Carrot Cake Scones

I made the scones from all day I dream of food, and they are very good. I would add more cinnamon and cloves next time. I also did not make the frosting because too much work. So far, everything I've made from that blog has turned out. And it's kept me from bingeing on foods that I shouldn't have during a very stressful time in my life (sick family and pets necessitating travel).

I still managed to lose three pounds despite eating nearly all my meals out. My skin, unfortunately, has not kept up, and has abruptly become very wrinkly and loose, particularly on my arms and thighs. *dislike*  It was just kind of there one day last week. Boom.

Waddyagonnado?

Nothing.

Have a scone.

It’s That Time of the Month: Carb Time

It started on Thursday out of the blue, my head started going “carbseatcarbseatcarbseatcarbseat” and I managed to ignore it pretty well. It ramped up pretty badly yesterday, but I still maintained my DS eating. I even had some SF pudding—chocolate on the bottom, a layer of banana on top, whipped cream, of course—but I wanted ice cream. I’d had some really good ice cream at my moms, it wasn’t low fat or sugar free, but I had some, no repercussions, and still lost three pounds.

I made a big plate of nachos planning on eating ¼ - ½ depending on what my tummy had to say. I was reading MORE magazine while I ate, and I was so absorbed, I ate the whole plate. OMG. I was in pain. I wanted some of that food OUT. I leaned over the sink and put my finger down my throat a handful of times, but nothing would come up. It was in there, twisting my guts, causing me pain, and there was not a damn thing I could do about it except wait. *fuck*

I got into bed with my Kindle to take my mind off of it (it helped somewhat), and then I felt myself needing to vomit—drooling, mouth full of saliva, nausea. I picked up the small (lined) trashcan I keep next to the bed and dry heaved a little bit. Still nothing, but then, strangely, the pain went away. Well, after several minutes of moaning and groaning over the trashcan. I’ve never felt anything like that. Ever.

In the middle of the night—3 amish? I got up and had a massive protein poop. I had another one when I got up at 10 o’clock. (Yes, I slept in. I’m still trying to make up a sleep deficit from last week and then again Saturday night. I work from home, so I have that option.)

Took another massive poop.

I have not gotten on the scale. I’m afraid to. I know I’ve probably gained just from pre-menstrual water weight. I don’t think I’ll weigh all this week.

So last night I dashed out to the grocery story about 9:30 pm—stuffed my pajama pants (more like lounge pants) into my [F]Uggs, put on my now oversized USC zippered hoodie, a UNR baseball cap, grabbed just my wallet and keys, and drove into town for a newspaper and ice cream.

I got some Dreyer’s ½ the fat chocolate chip cookie dough. Believe it or not, but the low fat has less carbs than the sugar free, and which has malitol, i.e., gas and diarrhea later. *ahem*

So I’ve learned three things:

1.       Pay attention while eating. Do not do anything else while eating except perhaps talk to others while eating. No reading, no coupon clipping, no sorting crap, just pay attention.

2.       Ice cream does not bother me nor cause weight gain. I’ll have to watch that because, like anything else, too much of anything can cause weight gain.

3.       I’ve got to have sweets alternatives to keep the carb obsession bell at bay, clanging in my brain, and eat that instead. Almond cookies (they’ve grown on me). Tonight I’m making a lemon cheesecake. SF pudding. Otherwise? I will totally careen out of control. 

The other three weeks of the month, I’m fine. I lust after sweet things, but I can turn my head, walk away, not think about it, but that pre-period week? I’m a  carb and sugar craving bitch. It’s bad.

Of course, I used to be like that EVERY DAY so having it knocked down ¾ is still a win, but man…I so want periods to be over. Fuuuuuck.

Laundry is on the schedule for today, vacuuming (I lurve my new vaccum *squee*), mop the kitchen, Swiffer the rest of the house that has tile (dining, entry, living room, hall, bathroom), and if I have time and energy, also mop the tile; take out garbage, then do a little grocery shopping,--and I’m only allowed to do that after I’ve gone for a walk for health--and prep some foods for me to have during this week, protein heavy. I’m thinking ground beef, maybe a steak if they have any on sale, HWC, sour cream, ranch dip mix (in the package) to have with cheese chips; and I think I may get a hair dryer. I haven’t used one in years, but if I can fluff up my thin hair a little bit and control some of the short-hair flyaways, then I won’t cut it. If that doesn’t help, then pixie cut it is. I’m sick of looking like I’ve been electrocuted, short hairs at full attention all over my head. My mom said, “Just use some hair products on it.”

“Uh,” I said, “I use three: Frizzease, super control gel, and hairspray.”

“Oh,” she said.

Yeah. 

I’ll find a pic of the pixie cut I’m looking at and post them, or maybe a pic and a link. There are two women whose haircuts I really like.

Apologies for my horrible Photoshop skills.

Pixie cut 1

Pixie Cut 2

 

Stall Over

This morning? 195 pounds. Heh.

I'm not sure whether to call it a stall or too many carbs. There were days and days where I didn't eat carbs, strictly protein/fat/liquid.

The skin of my arms is starting to really wrinkle up. I hate it. I still wear short sleeves, but tank tops and spaghetti straps are not happening right now. Normally I just wouldn't care, but I need time to adjust to this new normal. It looks hideous. Like my gramma when she was in her 80s. I'm not ready to be that old, yet. I hope I make it to my 80s (brain intact), but we'll see. This would be the only plastic surgery, other than a tummy tuck in conjunction with my hernia repair (and Petunia is HUGE. I look pregnant.). Everything else can just, you know, hang around. LOL

I'm still tired. This was a long, tough week. I'd like to go back to bed, but I need to head down to my mom's to help her get some medications into her cat who has been very ill this week (gastroenteritis). Fortunately the vet's office came and got him, treated him, and brought him back, or he would probably have died. Long story. Oy vay gevalt.

Have a good weekend.

Experiments in Baking

I have always loved to bake, even as a child growing up, I baked with my mom. I even took a professional baking course at one of the occupational schools in the summer between my junior and senior years of high school. It was a lot of fun.

So I was thinking last night and I realized...I haven't had bread in about a year. Oh, I've had a low-carb bread from the health food store, which although it tasted fine put me on the toilet (1 g of carb per slice). It's still in the fridge, it should probably go in the bin. I had some bites of toast just to eat the butter off it at Denny's with my "meat lover's omelet." But toast used to be a daily thing for me. In particular, I liked sourdough toast with TJ's low sugar apricot jam.

No more.

But I still love to bake. I skipped my Christmas baking this year so I wouldn't be tempted or triggered (although my Christmas day dash to the local grocery to purchase three kinds of cookies and a fruit cake basically triggered a three-month long carb obsession, uh, yeah). But I miss it. So I've been experimenting with different baking options from low carb / paleo / gluten-free blogs. I made those scones a few weeks ago and they were pretty good. Almond flour is very pricey, however. So far the cheapest place I've found it is Trader Joe's, $5.99 for a pound and they call it 'almond meal.' So I made jam thumbrint cookies last night from All Day Long I Dream of Food. They made 16 large cookies as opposed to the recipe's 12 moderate-sized.

I give them a B-. Good, but not delicious / fabulous. I left the frosting drizzle off because frankly it just looked like a lot of work, but I think they need it. The SF jam is basically tasteless--I got boysenberry.

But...the dough? OMG, the dough is yummy. Nom nom nom. I would totally make this again just to eat the dough. It has one egg yolk in it, but I've been eating raw cookie dough all my life with no problems, but if it worries you, then get either egg substitute or pasteurized eggs (whatever the hell that is). So here's a pic. I just had two with my coffee. Meh.

My husband tried one; he said "meh," too.

I'm thinking the homemade rasperry/chia jam is better tasting as well.

Would I make these again? Yeah. But only to eat the dough. :-) Really good.

But baking again? Yeah...that felt good. Baking healthy? That felt amazing.

TA F*cking DA!!

I broke 200 pounds today. :-)

From this in 2009*:

 

To this, in one year, four days, from surgery day.

HW (highest weight): 351. SW (surgery weight) :316. CW (current weight): 198.2

(I had to squat down while holding my cell phone to get the scale pic. The phone weighs .6, so 198.2 is the correct weight this morning).

I need a pedicure. Perhaps a celebratory pedicure? (No laughing at my poor toes!)

I never thought I'd make it. I fought the same 5 lbs over and over since Christmas. I was beginning to think it would never happen. But it did. Hard work and DS eating and here it is. OMG. What a mindfuck. In a good way.

*hystericalaughter*

*Arches National Park, near Moab, Utah.

Getting Rid of my "Fat Clothes"

Since I was obese most of my life, and am technically, by my BMI "overweight," is it still ok for me to use the "F" word? Hmm.

These are all the clothes I am going to sell on eBay--tops, pants, skirts, dresses, sweaters, bras (barely used), two swimsuits, and some shoes. Well, once I pay my eBay bill. For some reason they claim I owe them $50-, but I've not sold anything on eBay since October, and I paid my bill to them then. I need to just screw up my courage and call them and ask WTF!?

 

That pile on the right is also part of the upcoming sale. Some of the things I really love...I just have to let them go--just way too big. Let it go, Jules. Let it go.

Once I sell everything, and I'm confident I will, maybe I can get a couch, futon, or reclining chair for our empty living room. Schweet.

One Year

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my WLS surgery, the duodenal switch with biliopancreatic bypass. I nearly forgot myself until after 11 pm. I've been busy the last few days dealing with elderly relatives both my own and my in-laws.

So here are some photos. This was taken the day after surgery in the hospital. My pre-surgery weight was 316 (I don't count the four pounds I lost on the day-before-surgery liquid diet, as I only lost water weight.).

And these were taken today after I got home from the 'rents'. I still look in the mirror and expect to see ^ that me. It's still a surprise. One hundred fourteen pounds +/-, high blood pressure gone, in fact, I have low blood pressure and get dizzy if I stand too quickly; Type II (insulin dependent) diabetes, GONE (in remission); the bad cold I just had did not turn into bronchitis, for the first time EVER. I call that a strong immune system, not impaired. Not anymore.

The pregnant-looking belly? Is Petunia, my hernia. I hope to have it repaired this summer. It is uncomfortable and rather LARGE.

The shirt I'm wearing is a size "M", and the jeans are size 16. I haven't worn size 16 jeans since high school, and a M shirt since....junior high. I think. It's weird. My dissonance is definitely cognitive.  :-)

*joy*