Eating Clean When You Want to Binge / Holidays

I've been doing very well eating clean the last few weeks, for the most part. But that out-of-control binge-eater inside of me still wants to eat too much and the wrong thing.

I could've used a big pile of chocolate yesterday. And today.

I'd love a piece of pumpkin pie.

Peanut butter cookies sound good, too.

Aww hell, I just want to shove some sugary goodness in my mouth to comfort myself because I'm stressed and anxious. I mean, that always worked in the past...right?

Uh, yeah. I ate myself right into Type II diabetes, HBP, achy joints and back yada yada yada.

Eating like that does not work for me. Or anyone.

So how do I resist? How am I able to maintain "control" now? What is the difference?

First, the difference is...sometimes I do indulge. But not to the degree I did before DS surgery. Chocolate? One or two squares and I'm good, not the whole bar (and I mean the big size, not the fun or regular size, the big ones).

The biggest thing for me is not just a smaller stomach, that is only part of it, no, the big deal for me are the change in bowel habits, the bloating, the gas. It's literally pain that keeps me eating clean 85% (90%?) of the time.

Shitting my pants, even a tiny bit, is not fun. Diarrhea every few miles or every few minutes (especially when not at home) is both uncomfortable and embarrassing. And the smell? Would kill an orc, I mean it. It's bad.

So I pause before putting that thing in my mouth--what will this do to me? And most of the time I either don't eat it, or I have just a taste. And by a taste I mean whatever will fit on the end of my finger. And I savor it, I enjoy it. I don't just shove it in to make room for more because that big void inside of me needs filling. Sigh.

But that part of me--the binge eater--she's there, not too far below the surface. I have to remind myself to slow down when I'm eating something, particularly if its delicious, like the cheese covered baked cod we had for dinner tonight. Really good. But I had to slow down...no one is going to take it away from you, J. Take your time. Put your fork down. Look around. Engage others in conversation. Your fish will still be there.

And it was.

So I'm continually learning new habits and new tricks to remain focused on clean eating. Having coffee every day makes a huge difference. It's so yummy and seems like such a forbidden treat, and I really enjoy it especially knowing it's not forbidden, especially if made with half and half or HWC (heavy whipping cream).

So there are tricks I play on myself, small occasional indulgences, and the desire to feel good, but ultimately, I do what I do for my health. That's what this whole big deal was about to begin with--being healthy, living longer, doing more.

I am that person now. And I want to stay that way.

Thanksgiving day is going to see an indulgence in a small slice of pumpkin pie, heavy on the whipped cream, but otherwise protein, protein, a bite of stuffing, a bite of sweet potato, and done. I can't afford to be sick on Friday--I have a long drive ahead of me.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. What's on your dinner table? Care to share your tips for clean eating / not bingeing? Leave them in the comments.