LilySlim - Weight loss

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Carrot Cake Scones

I made the scones from all day I dream of food, and they are very good. I would add more cinnamon and cloves next time. I also did not make the frosting because too much work. So far, everything I've made from that blog has turned out. And it's kept me from bingeing on foods that I shouldn't have during a very stressful time in my life (sick family and pets necessitating travel).

I still managed to lose three pounds despite eating nearly all my meals out. My skin, unfortunately, has not kept up, and has abruptly become very wrinkly and loose, particularly on my arms and thighs. *dislike*  It was just kind of there one day last week. Boom.

Waddyagonnado?

Nothing.

Have a scone.

Monday, March 23, 2015

It’s That Time of the Month: Carb Time




It started on Thursday out of the blue, my head started going “carbseatcarbseatcarbseatcarbseat” and I managed to ignore it pretty well. It ramped up pretty badly yesterday, but I still maintained my DS eating. I even had some SF pudding—chocolate on the bottom, a layer of banana on top, whipped cream, of course—but I wanted ice cream. I’d had some really good ice cream at my moms, it wasn’t low fat or sugar free, but I had some, no repercussions, and still lost three pounds.

I made a big plate of nachos planning on eating ¼ - ½ depending on what my tummy had to say. I was reading MORE magazine while I ate, and I was so absorbed, I ate the whole plate. OMG. I was in pain. I wanted some of that food OUT. I leaned over the sink and put my finger down my throat a handful of times, but nothing would come up. It was in there, twisting my guts, causing me pain, and there was not a damn thing I could do about it except wait. *fuck*

I got into bed with my Kindle to take my mind off of it (it helped somewhat), and then I felt myself needing to vomit—drooling, mouth full of saliva, nausea. I picked up the small (lined) trashcan I keep next to the bed and dry heaved a little bit. Still nothing, but then, strangely, the pain went away. Well, after several minutes of moaning and groaning over the trashcan. I’ve never felt anything like that. Ever.

In the middle of the night—3 amish? I got up and had a massive protein poop. I had another one when I got up at 10 o’clock. (Yes, I slept in. I’m still trying to make up a sleep deficit from last week and then again Saturday night. I work from home, so I have that option.)
Took another massive poop.

I have not gotten on the scale. I’m afraid to. I know I’ve probably gained just from pre-menstrual water weight. I don’t think I’ll weigh all this week.

So last night I dashed out to the grocery story about 9:30 pm—stuffed my pajama pants (more like lounge pants) into my [F]Uggs, put on my now oversized USC zippered hoodie, a UNR baseball cap, grabbed just my wallet and keys, and drove into town for a newspaper and ice cream.
I got some Dreyer’s ½ the fat chocolate chip cookie dough. Believe it or not, but the low fat has less carbs than the sugar free, and which has malitol, i.e., gas and diarrhea later. *ahem*

So I’ve learned three things:

1.       Pay attention while eating. Do not do anything else while eating except perhaps talk to others while eating. No reading, no coupon clipping, no sorting crap, just pay attention.

2.       Ice cream does not bother me nor cause weight gain. I’ll have to watch that because, like anything else, too much of anything can cause weight gain.

3.       I’ve got to have sweets alternatives to keep the carb obsession bell at bay, clanging in my brain, and eat that instead. Almond cookies (they’ve grown on me). Tonight I’m making a lemon cheesecake. SF pudding. Otherwise? I will totally careen out of control. 

The other three weeks of the month, I’m fine. I lust after sweet things, but I can turn my head, walk away, not think about it, but that pre-period week? I’m a  carb and sugar craving bitch. It’s bad.
Of course, I used to be like that EVERY DAY so having it knocked down ¾ is still a win, but man…I so want periods to be over. Fuuuuuck.

Laundry is on the schedule for today, vacuuming (I lurve my new vaccum *squee*), mop the kitchen, Swiffer the rest of the house that has tile (dining, entry, living room, hall, bathroom), and if I have time and energy, also mop the tile; take out garbage, then do a little grocery shopping,--and I’m only allowed to do that after I’ve gone for a walk for health--and prep some foods for me to have during this week, protein heavy. I’m thinking ground beef, maybe a steak if they have any on sale, HWC, sour cream, ranch dip mix (in the package) to have with cheese chips; and I think I may get a hair dryer. I haven’t used one in years, but if I can fluff up my thin hair a little bit and control some of the short-hair flyaways, then I won’t cut it. If that doesn’t help, then pixie cut it is. I’m sick of looking like I’ve been electrocuted, short hairs at full attention all over my head. My mom said, “Just use some hair products on it.”

“Uh,” I said, “I use three: Frizzease, super control gel, and hairspray.”
“Oh,” she said.

Yeah. 

I’ll find a pic of the pixie cut I’m looking at and post them, or maybe a pic and a link. There are two women whose haircuts I really like.

Apologies for my horrible Photoshop skills.

Pixie cut 1


Pixie Cut 2
 


Saturday, March 21, 2015

Stall Over

This morning? 195 pounds. Heh.

I'm not sure whether to call it a stall or too many carbs. There were days and days where I didn't eat carbs, strictly protein/fat/liquid.

The skin of my arms is starting to really wrinkle up. I hate it. I still wear short sleeves, but tank tops and spaghetti straps are not happening right now. Normally I just wouldn't care, but I need time to adjust to this new normal. It looks hideous. Like my gramma when she was in her 80s. I'm not ready to be that old, yet. I hope I make it to my 80s (brain intact), but we'll see. This would be the only plastic surgery, other than a tummy tuck in conjunction with my hernia repair (and Petunia is HUGE. I look pregnant.). Everything else can just, you know, hang around. LOL

I'm still tired. This was a long, tough week. I'd like to go back to bed, but I need to head down to my mom's to help her get some medications into her cat who has been very ill this week (gastroenteritis). Fortunately the vet's office came and got him, treated him, and brought him back, or he would probably have died. Long story. Oy vay gevalt.

Have a good weekend.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Experiments in Baking

I have always loved to bake, even as a child growing up, I baked with my mom. I even took a professional baking course at one of the occupational schools in the summer between my junior and senior years of high school. It was a lot of fun.

So I was thinking last night and I realized...I haven't had bread in about a year. Oh, I've had a low-carb bread from the health food store, which although it tasted fine put me on the toilet (1 g of carb per slice). It's still in the fridge, it should probably go in the bin. I had some bites of toast just to eat the butter off it at Denny's with my "meat lover's omelet." But toast used to be a daily thing for me. In particular, I liked sourdough toast with TJ's low sugar apricot jam.

No more.

But I still love to bake. I skipped my Christmas baking this year so I wouldn't be tempted or triggered (although my Christmas day dash to the local grocery to purchase three kinds of cookies and a fruit cake basically triggered a three-month long carb obsession, uh, yeah). But I miss it. So I've been experimenting with different baking options from low carb / paleo / gluten-free blogs. I made those scones a few weeks ago and they were pretty good. Almond flour is very pricey, however. So far the cheapest place I've found it is Trader Joe's, $5.99 for a pound and they call it 'almond meal.' So I made jam thumbrint cookies last night from All Day Long I Dream of Food. They made 16 large cookies as opposed to the recipe's 12 moderate-sized.


I give them a B-. Good, but not delicious / fabulous. I left the frosting drizzle off because frankly it just looked like a lot of work, but I think they need it. The SF jam is basically tasteless--I got boysenberry.

But...the dough? OMG, the dough is yummy. Nom nom nom. I would totally make this again just to eat the dough. It has one egg yolk in it, but I've been eating raw cookie dough all my life with no problems, but if it worries you, then get either egg substitute or pasteurized eggs (whatever the hell that is). So here's a pic. I just had two with my coffee. Meh.

My husband tried one; he said "meh," too.

I'm thinking the homemade rasperry/chia jam is better tasting as well.

Would I make these again? Yeah. But only to eat the dough. :-) Really good.

But baking again? Yeah...that felt good. Baking healthy? That felt amazing.


Wednesday, March 18, 2015

TA F*cking DA!!

I broke 200 pounds today. :-)


From this in 2009*:
To this, in one year, four days, from surgery day.


HW (highest weight): 351. SW (surgery weight) :316. CW (current weight): 198.2
(I had to squat down while holding my cell phone to get the scale pic. The phone weighs .6, so 198.2 is the correct weight this morning).
I need a pedicure. Perhaps a celebratory pedicure? (No laughing at my poor toes!)

I never thought I'd make it. I fought the same 5 lbs over and over since Christmas. I was beginning to think it would never happen. But it did. Hard work and DS eating and here it is. OMG. What a mindfuck. In a good way.
*hystericalaughter*


*Arches National Park, near Moab, Utah.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Getting Rid of my "Fat Clothes"

Since I was obese most of my life, and am technically, by my BMI "overweight," is it still ok for me to use the "F" word? Hmm.

These are all the clothes I am going to sell on eBay--tops, pants, skirts, dresses, sweaters, bras (barely used), two swimsuits, and some shoes. Well, once I pay my eBay bill. For some reason they claim I owe them $50-, but I've not sold anything on eBay since October, and I paid my bill to them then. I need to just screw up my courage and call them and ask WTF!?

That pile on the right is also part of the upcoming sale. Some of the things I really love...I just have to let them go--just way too big. Let it go, Jules. Let it go.

Once I sell everything, and I'm confident I will, maybe I can get a couch, futon, or reclining chair for our empty living room. Schweet.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

One Year

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my WLS surgery, the duodenal switch with biliopancreatic bypass. I nearly forgot myself until after 11 pm. I've been busy the last few days dealing with elderly relatives both my own and my in-laws.

So here are some photos. This was taken the day after surgery in the hospital. My pre-surgery weight was 316 (I don't count the four pounds I lost on the day-before-surgery liquid diet, as I only lost water weight.).


And these were taken today after I got home from the 'rents'. I still look in the mirror and expect to see ^ that me. It's still a surprise. One hundred fourteen pounds +/-, high blood pressure gone, in fact, I have low blood pressure and get dizzy if I stand too quickly; Type II (insulin dependent) diabetes, GONE (in remission); the bad cold I just had did not turn into bronchitis, for the first time EVER. I call that a strong immune system, not impaired. Not anymore.

The pregnant-looking belly? Is Petunia, my hernia. I hope to have it repaired this summer. It is uncomfortable and rather LARGE.






The shirt I'm wearing is a size "M", and the jeans are size 16. I haven't worn size 16 jeans since high school, and a M shirt since....junior high. I think. It's weird. My dissonance is definitely cognitive.  :-)

*joy*

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Problems

I realize I didn't explain the context of the "shitting, farting, and cookies" that I briefly mentioned in yesterday's post.

One too many problems and a big one that sucker punched me yesterday and I headed straight to the grocery store and fresh baked goods.

We have two cars, a 96 T-Bird, and an 03 Windstar mini-van. In the last month they have both gotten new batteries; the T-Bird has had to get two new tires; the Windstar needed the alternator replaced; the T-Bird needed some new radiator hoses and a thermostat; and now, sometimes, the Windstar won't start. It's something electrical. This is added to the cracked windshield, the lights that go on and off at their whim, the electric side doors that won't stay closed, and the unpainted new fender and bumper from when my FIL's "friend" and neighbor crashed into our car and then refused to pay for it. Looong story.

So our cars are dying. They both have close to 200,000 miles and, let's face it, they're Fords: Fix Or Repair Daily. Uh, yeah. I had a Nissan Altima for 10 years, a Geo Metro for nine years, and only had to do oil changes and brakes until they both just gave up the ghost. I hate Fords.

My husband is going to be out of a job at the end of the semester. Again. I'm not surprised, I foresaw it.

I have a bad tooth.

I am having periods from hell with accompanying mood swings.

I picked up a copy of my labs related to my WLS, and things didn't look as good as I had hoped, and a few tests got skipped. Huh.

I can't get my fucking HMO to refer me to my retinologist/oncologist/geneticist to check on the (dead?) melanoma in the choroid lining in my eye. I see him twice a year, and have since my diagnosis in May 2012. Once my husband is laid off, we can go back on the exchange and maybe get some better insurance, like a PPO. I freaking hate HMOs

I got some VERY bad news on a subject I had been waiting years to hear on (no stress there), and that was the final straw and I headed for the baked goods.

Stupid.

I didn't even want them but I didn't know how to cope with the overwhelming feelings.

I've also decided to no longer see my therapist. He's a nice guy, I enjoy talking with him, but I feel like he talks about himself about as much as I talk about myself. Also, I don't feel like I'm getting any tools to deal with my issues from him. So I'm moving on. I'm going to find someone else. He's a nice guy, but...I canceled today's appointment and I won't be rescheduling.

And I'm thinking about going back to school.

So yeah, some stress.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

HellifIknow

Picked up my labs today. Based on "normal levels," everything except my RBC looked fine. My calcium was at the lower end of "normal," so I posted on a group I'm involved with and got more info than I know what to do with.

Here's the thing:

My doctor tells me one thing;
My surgeon tells me the other;
My DS group tells me multiple different things;

All three tell me the other two are full of shit and don't know what they're talking about.

How's a gal supposed to know WTF is the right thing?

I followed my surgeon's notebook to the letter, and now I'm being told different things by people who are not MDs.

I'm going to scan in my labs and send them over to my surgeon tomorrow--as I did for my last set of labs, which he said looked great except my B6 and B12, which were too high, have come down quite a bit: B6 is normal, and B12 is very close to normal albeit still high, but nowhere near where it was in November. I changed my multi to something with a lower B6 and B12 concentration. I'm interested to hear what he has to say about these new numbers.

So who do I trust?

As I told someone in a PM in the group, "My vision is pretty lousy--I can't read anything small; I have some short-term memory loss/damage; I have ADD (Look! A chicken! Shiny!), and some other information processing disorders with long names I'd have to look up but I'm too tired and sick from eating crap after the SHIT day I had today, and I am easily overwhelmed. Plus anxiety. And depression. Yeah, sucks to be me.


You know how I learn? I have someone hold my hand and then I try it myself, have the "expert" look at it, then I go solo. That's how I learn. I've tried to teach myself Photoshop and InDesign for years--can't do it. I don't learn
that way.

So to say that I'M OVERWHELMED would be an understatement.

I could really use a drink, jeesuz.

***
March 10, 2015 1:20pm

The shitting, gas, and crying continues unabated. On the bright side, I've lost 2 pounds just in shit-weight alone. On the negative, I woke up my (light-sleeper) husband last night with a loud fart, and shit myself twice. Good times.

Cookies 1 - Jules 0

***
(3/10/15, 1:45pm:  So I found this:  Visual and auditory processing disorders (this is me. People think because I'm smart I don't have any problems. Not true. I think the smart part only helps me to deal with these things a little better than someone who is less smart. But it is a struggle. Constantly. Things disappear and reappear--in my mind--all the time because my brain can't process what it's looking at if there is too much information. Add in ADD and now semi-blindness? And I really feel at a disadvantage.)

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Low Carb Scones

They are fantastic.

OK, not as good as a regular scone, but good enough, and eating them without guilt makes them fantastic. In fact, I have one at breakfast with a slice of bacon/brie/cheddar quiche, and then schmeer some cream cheese on the scone (they're a teeny bit dry). I'll totally be making these again. I think lemon next time.

So. I can have treats in my life that actually fit into my new eating program (for life), and enjoy them and not go over my carbs for the day, so I think I need to spend more time in the kitchen (like I don't already LOL), making some of the fabulous low- or carb-free dishes that I've enjoyed in the past. You know, when I was eating myself into an early death. *rolleyes*

I got up this morning and weighed 201. Awesome. So I lost 12 pounds in a week by staying strictly DS eating. My husband's birthday was last week and I did have a few bites of his hot fudge sundae that the restaurant gifted him--it was delish, and a few bites hit the spot. Plus whipped cream!!

I have either SF pudding or this Jell-O concoction I found in the innerwebs. I've been tweaking it and the latest version needs a tweak, also.

Essentially it's:

One 8 oz pkg cream cheese, room temp
10 ounces heavy whipping cream (HWC)
1 pkg sugar free Jell-O, I like raspberry

Beat room-temp cream cheese until smooth. Beat in HWC until smooth. Add Jell-O powder directly into cream cheese/hwc mixture. Beat the living hell out of it.

It's good, but the texture is still too rubbery for me. I think I'll make it again but thin it down with some milk, or maybe even double the amount of cream cheese and HWC. It's a great snack treat that is also loaded with protein. I also find when I add milk to my diet, this and other "diet plans like WW's", I lose more weight. I am not lactose intolerant and wasn't pre-surg either. So glad about that.

So I can still enjoy my meals and snacks, I just need them to be a certain way (low carb or carb free / and/or high in protein).

It's been quite the year, but I wouldn't have changed a thing. Well, about my surgery and post-surg body. Other parts of my life? Well, yeah, I would have done a lot differently. But my health? I'm very, very happy where I am. :-)


Friday, March 6, 2015

Back on Track

I did have two blueberry muffins this week, from Target, one Wednesday, one Thursday, and made sure to eat a lot of protein, and so I've consistently lost all this week. Back down to 202 from 213--in a week. :-)

The muffins weren't that good. They were more like a cake, fell apart, and there was little blueberry taste. I had two left (they came in a four pack), I gave one to my husband last night and sent one to work with him in his lunch today. He said he thought they were too sweet, also.

I've got some recipes for lowcarb scones that I want to try--but I've been sick all week with a flu/cold thingie that is trying very hard to become bronchitis. I sound like Lauren Bacall and I'm hacking up junk. When my husband gets home--he's off early on Fridays--he's going to take me to urgent care. I really don't feel I can drive, mostly because of my eyes. They are both watering heavily and producing mucus at a high rate and my vision is blurry in my good eye, and extra-blurry in the bad one.  Regardless, I think I'm going to make the lavender scones ^ sans lavender and add in a handful of dried blueberries instead. It looks easy enough to make. If I make them today, I'll report back. We'll see how I'm feeling.

In the meantime, I wasn't hungry last night, but I did a protein load before bed (I read for about an hour after getting in bed) because I knew I hadn't eaten enough protein. I had three slices of extra sharp cheese, so 3 ounces, six slices of Gallo salami, and about 10 wasabi/soy almonds. I also had a big spoonful of SF pudding with whipped cream. I always let one of my kitty's have a fingerful of whipped cream. He's a dairy addict.

The carb obsession is gone, so is my period, so I'm going to blame hormones, and I need to be MORE prepared to deal with the constant, clanging, eateateatcarbscarbscarbs that goes on in my brain in the days prior to and the first few days of my period. Hmm...maybe make some low carb goodies to put in the freezer so they're just ready for me? Good idea, Jules!!  Because doing this every month? Is crazy making.

Exhale.

I think I'm going to go soak in the bath. The steam will help my nose and lungs, too. Ciao.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Aha!!

This is a TMI female-type post. You've been warned.


I started my period last night--the mother of all periods, OMG. I thought at first that it was early, but I looked at a calendar and it is right on time.

Oh joy.

So I'm wondering if that was the cause of all the body aches this passed Saturday?  But that doesn't explain the phlegmy cough and now mild sore throat that I woke up with.

Perhaps two different things going on? Period and sore throat/cough?

I've have spent the last ten days trying to find a female GYN. I even called my insurance company who put me on a three-way call with my "medical group" (HMO-speak for Cerberus at the gate ugh), who gave me a name that was "within the group." I called, left a voicemail, they called back, and guess what? They no longer take Blue Crotch HMO. Huh. Imagine that.

Now I have to start all over again.

I know you're wondering why a female? Two reason:

1. I'm uncomfortable with strange men looking up my hoo ha. It's my thing, that's how it is.
2. Every male GYN I've had has been an arrogant asshole. I'm not exaggerating. I can't think of one good experience I've had with a male GYN.  I had one tell me, when I was in my 20s and had had a period for 30 day--thirty days!!--examine me only to discover that I was no longer bleeding (although I had been that morning and when I had bent over from the side of the bed, blood had run down my legs and onto the floor, in that short of a time--and said, "I'm so sick and tired of these young girls coming in here because they're having a bad period!! They're is nothing wrong with you!!" I told him about the blood in the morning on the floor blah blah blah, he pulled off his gloves, snapping the fingers, made another offensive comment (I was 21-years-old, I don't remember), and stormed out.

That last one I saw last year when we were living in the Central Valley was ready to tie my tubes ASAP when what I had asked for was a thermal ablation--which he refused to do. He also asked me, FIVE TIMES, when was your last period. ???  I called to cancel the Essure appointment they had made for me, and that I was too cowed to object to--I just wanted out of there--the nurse asked me why, and I told her I wasn't comfortable with him (pushy!), and the repeating of the question. Turns out? He's hard of hearing! Uh, maybe you should look me in the face when you talk to me, or I don't know, tell me you're hard of hearing?? UGH

I found a great woman OB/GYN 25 miles away. I loved her. Blunt and to the point, she knew her business and listened to my concerns. Awesome. I'm pretty sure she was gay, but if anything, that made me like her all the more. (I've had so many gay friends over the years, my best friend from high school for example, and I've always had great relationships with both gay men and women. I am from LA, after all. :-) )

So yeah, bleeding like a stuck pig. With big chunks. *rolleyes*  I'm going to call one more female doctor whose number I have today, and then I'm at a loss. I may have to suck it up and go to a man. If that's the case, he better fucking be nice or I have no reservations about speaking my mind. It's my vagina and other bits for pete's sake.

All my life my periods were no big deal. Other than being long, typically eight days, they came and went without much trouble on my part. No cramps, backaches, or other pain. I just had to make sure I didn't stain my clothes as they were heavy.

Not anymore. I have a backache and abdominal ache, near where the thighs touch the body. Bleh.

Which g*d do I have to pray to help me find a good woman GYN?

Also need a mammogram. Note to self.

Anyone got a blueberry muffin I could have? Thanks.

*** Update ***

I have a GYN appointment. With a woman. Last week in April. Sigh.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Bargoney on New Duds

I needed to return a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt olive drab jeans, size 18, as they were way too big. I had purchased them, and another pair of pants and a sweater with some Kohl's Cash my MIL gifted me. *squee* 

Well, they were still having their 70-80% clearance sale going on, along with their additional 15% off if you logged into their WiFi. OMG.

I found the last pair of DV olive drab jeans--size 16--and they fit like a dream. I also found a brown pair, same pants. Each were $8-. OMG. I also got a pair of Sonoma jeans, size 16 (see picture below), some pretty turquoise and white clamdiggers for spring and summer, size 16, and a Lauren Conrad skater sweater dress,  (pic below) size L, originally $68-, for...including extra $15%, $12-. OMG. It pays to shop around.


I tried everything on. I'm wearing the Sonoma jeans right now. They feel awesome. 

I feel like a regular person.

Yet I am so struggling with carb cravings right now and my weight is fluctuating up and down more than the Down/Jones. 

UGH!




A Wee Bit Sick

Yesterday I woke up feeling fine. Spent the morning online, drinking coffee, eating cookies ( RollEyes), then got up to go do something, and my head, neck, shoulders were killing me. Then I noticed my hips and legs were hurting, too, like a flu ache. And I've had a phlegmy cough for a couple of days.

I decided I should go lie down. Then it really amped up and my head / body started throbbing and pounding. I napped for a bit, then woke up and took a prescription Motrin.

By 7:30 pm I was in bed for the night and asleep by 8 o'clock. I woke up at about 12:30 am covered in sweat--I mean, dripping. I got up and used the bathroom, started cooling off, took another Motrin and went back to sleep. I also turned off the Coast to Coast show on the radio as it was ghost stories and it was creeping me out. LOL

I slept until 10 am when my cat was dancing on me begging to go out. So I slept quite a bit. A don't feel 100% better today, but I do feel a lot better. More like myself.

24 hour bug?
Food poisoning? (no vomiting/diarrhea)
My body just hates me?

Whatever, I did NOT feel well. Still don't feel back to normal.

In the meantime, I did lose 5 lbs since yesterday, all, I'm sure, poop weight. Fine, whatever. I did mostly protein yesterday and will today. Although I would knock you down if you were holding a blueberry muffin and take it from you.

Sigh