LilySlim - Weight loss

Monday, April 28, 2014

Recent Selfies

I took these tonight in our front bathroom. I look good, but I can also tell that my skin is taking a beating. I'm going to have to step it up with the moisturizer, and do it more than once a day or "when I feel good."  It may be too late already. I hope not.

Here I am. Minus 34 pounds from surgery day, minus 74 pounds from January 2011 when I quit that horrible stressful job in that fucked call center in Reno. I was shoving every sweet thing I could get my hands on into my mouth, and the employer didn't help: donuts almost weekly (I'd have five in an eight-hour day), cake, pie, trail mix...which they would wheel around to our desks!!! Aaaaah! Quitting that job was one of my better decisions.

Compare these with my profile photo, right.


The Money: Thank Goodness

I just checked the claims status for my surgery--everything has been paid and my portion? $0.00. I am not kidding, nothing. WE. OWE. NOTHING.

Breathe, Jules, remember to breathe.

I was waiting for bills to start showing up, but just one, from the hospital lab, has, and then our insurance emailed me to say that they had processed several claims for me and I could check them online.

What a relief!! When my surgeon's assistant said we had good insurance, she wasn't fucking kidding. Wow.

Hospital;  $57,000 (rounded up). They were paid the "in network" agreed amount, much less than this.)

Surgeon:  $18,000 (rounded up). Same deal.

Anesthesiologist:  $2,000. Same thing.

The hospital lab for blood draws and testing and to analyze my evidently diseased gall bladder, I just put a copy of my insurance card into the mail to them. Hopefully that's all covered, too, because it's $2600-.

It's been a long, hard year, but it's been worth it to have this surgery, especially now that I am feeling better. I got so much done today (and Saturday), it's amazing. This is how I want to feel. *fingerscrossed*

I'm so relieved.

Good and Gratitude


1. I'm having coffee. OMG. It tastes pretty good. (Not fantastic, but good enough.)

2. Got belly leak allllll over my fresh out of the laundry last night nightgown. I have it soaking in Palmolive in the kitchen sink. Just call me Madge.

3. My blood sugar last night was 139. After I had eaten all day. (An egg w/ some sausage gravy; a big sausage that I ate over the course of the evening with a little marinara; two protein shakes; three 20 oz Sobe's). This morning it was 142. I've not taken any insulin since last Tuesday. *hysterical laughter*

4.  I felt SO good on Saturday, that I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom (not including the inside of the fridge; that's next). It looks fantastic, the dishes are clean and put away, the counters are clean and the floor was vacuumed (it's a porous rock floor; you don't mop it. It's weird. I'll take a picture if anyone cares.). And last night I made Rex' lunches for the next 3 days--mustard / rosemary roasted potatoes, thanks to Mary over at One Perfect Bite (I didn't have 2 tbsp of chicken broth so I used tequila); and Honey Mustard chicken leg quarters courtesy of Simply Recipes.  I taste-tested a bite of each--very good. I've still got it. Heh.

Also? R worked on cleaning out the garage!!!! I cleaned up my stuff months ago, his was just in piles all over. It looks so much better and will be so much easier for moving. Yay.

5. I'm grateful for this beautiful weather we're having today. I may go outside and sit in it for a while and just enjoy the breeze and watch my cats frolic on the lawn.

6. My very oldest and dearest friend showed up at my hotel the night before surgery with a spanking brand new 17" HP laptop with two years of tech support, Microsoft Office, a 64G flash drive and I forget what all. When I asked him "Why?" he said, "Because your computer is crap! LOL" He was right. It was crap. In fact, it's so much crap, it's a paperweight now. Will not boot up. This is such a great story I've been saving it...but I just haven't gotten to it. I realize that I still need to post my surgery story. I will, I promise. Right now bills and other crap are monopolizing my time. I've been busy feeling crappy, dealing my mom and R's dad, household chores, ad infinitum. It's coming, it's in there. Promise.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Tiny Update

My fasting blood glucose this morning was 142. I last took insulin over 3 days ago. *squee* It's working!!  OMG, TG!!

I also hit six weeks post surgery yesterday and today I felt so good (hope I didn't just jinx it *fingerscrossed*) that I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom, cleared off the dining room table of "debris", and went through my closets culling clothes:  1 pile for a friend, 1 pile for charity, and 1 pile to sell on e-Bay.  Now I need to go through the bags of clothes that have been sitting in the second bedroom floor since September. Yes...it's been that long since I felt well enough to do something like that. I may get to it tomorrow, but Monday for sure.

Right now I'm trying to gag down a fish filet that I nuked, with mayo, 7 grams of protein, then I'll have a protein shake 30 minutes after I finish and go to bed. The fish tastes terrible, but I bought it, I'm eating it. *rolleyes*

I'm grateful I felt so good today; let's hope it keeps up!!

Goodnight!! (I'm even going to bed early!)

Friday, April 25, 2014

A Trip to the OB/GYN, or My Day as One of the Three Stooges

Note:  If you're a guy? You may find this entire post either boring, gross, or TMI. Word to the wise.--J.

Yesterday was just...silly. Ridiculous. Stupid.

On Monday, I drove 46 miles round trip to see the doctor, only to be told that my appointment was on Thursday. Huh. In my own defense, I did call Monday morning and ask, "I have an appointment today, I'm afraid I've forgotten the time," only to be told "Three o'clock."  Evidently the phone answerer did not hear the "today" part or it could have prevented a lot of problems.

So I shower and get ready to head out there--the day after shitting my brains out and feeling like hell--not feeling too awfully bad, just a little dizzy, and I pull up the GPS program in Google Maps on my cell phone to get there. I was pretty sure I knew where I was going having just been there on Monday, but I wasn't 100%.

So I hit the road. It was a glorious, gorgeous, smooth as pudding, wind like fingertips on my skin kind of day. I drove with all the windows down. Marvelous.

I got lost, of course. Finally I pulled over and looked up the doctor's address and plugged it into the GPS. I walked in the door at exactly 3pm. *whew* I hate to be late.

I was given a clipboard with a bunch of papers to sign, and I handed them back along with my ID and insurance card. The nurse called me back up and asked, "You're not taking any medications?"  That's right, I had left that section completely blank. Duh. She gave it back and I finished it. 'Doih.

She called me up for several more things, not my fault, but I waited a really long time. I read a TIME magazine, and Avon catalog, and was halfway through a Reader's Digest before I got called in. One woman came in after me, got called back, and left before I even got called in. Odd. But I had free time and reading material so it was all good.

Then I went in to leave a urine specimen. They had this pile of shiny little cups, like a mini Dixie cup, only white plastic, and a Sharpie pen to write my name on it. I was hoping I could hit that little cup. I got about 1/4 of a cup, which is enough, and set it precariously on the sink. I wanted to wash my hand because I had just peed all over it.

I wash, dry, and stupidly, pick up the little cup which is covered with pee, wipe it down, pick it up, and open the pass-thru door to the lab...and drop the cup which spills all over a paper towel which has been put inside (thank g*d).

I clean it up, put in a clean paper towel, look in my cup, and there's about 1/8th of an inch in there. I put it in, then go back out front and tell the nurse what happened. She said if they need more they'd let me know. They didn't so I guess it was enough. But really? Drop the pee cup, Jules? 'Doih.

I waited in the exam room a long time. Probably an hour. By this time it was after 5:00 pm and quiet and I was starting to wonder if everyone had gone home and I was locked in.

Then next door I heard crying. Then sobbing. Then a very young voice in Spanish--I could tell she was distressed even though my Spanish is bad--and it was heartbreaking. I could hear another voice, a woman, talking to her in low tones. I don't know if she had gone into labor and was scared, was just finding out she was pregnant at 15, the baby was....???  I don't know. A million things went through my mind and it broke my heart.

Finally the nurse came in and took my vitals (good) and went over my history and we talked about my ankle, my eye, and my recent DS surgery. I gave her one of my doctor's cards so she would know what I was talking about (it has a diagram of DS anatomy), and also showed her my oozing belly wound.

Then she told me the doctor would come in and talk to me before I got undressed. I like that. Good. I had caught the back of someone in khaki's and a Hawaiian shirt and I was pretty sure it was the doctor and that made me feel comfortable also.

So the doctor comes in, we talk, I tell her everything that's going on. She tells me thermal ablation is not a guarantee of pregnancy prevention. The previous OB/GYN, a guy I did not like, said the same thing. So she talked to me about an IUD. That is what my doctor in Southern California, the first time I was going for weight loss surgery, ten years ago, recommended. She also said eventually it would stop my periods. I like that. They had me watch a video about a certain IUD and it didn't change my mind; I still think it's the best birth control for me. I skipped a period in December and so far haven't had one this month, so I am thinking menopause is starting. And about damn time if you ask me. Sick of it already (menstruation).

She was able to get a copy of my ultrasound with the fibroids on it, and she said they were so small that she wasn't concerned about them, but she did want to do an endometrial biopsy just to rule out cancer. So I asked, "When you say biopsy, what do you mean? Needle biopsy? Cutting...?"

"No, it's actually a suction."
"Does it hurt?"
"Yes."
Blanch.
"A lot?"
"I'm not going to lie to you, it can be painful."

I started freaking out. I don't feel well already. I have an oozing tummy wound. I'm dizzy. I get lost easily, and I have to drive myself home 23 miles.

I said I couldn't do it. Not today. I wasn't prepared, and dammit, I started to cry. "I have a low tolerance for pain," I said. I do. After my DS surgery a nurse asked me, "Have you always had a low tolerance for pain or is this new?"
"No," I said, "I've always had it."

I've had three "painless" Avastin injections in my eye to improve my vision, and each one hurt like hell. I had to stay at a motel after with frozen peas on my eye, a lorezapam and a vicodin.

I told the doctor all this, and said I just wasn't up for it today. I'm sorry, I just can't.  She looked a little startled but said she was fine with it, she wasn't going to force me into anything. Thank G*d.

So she did a pelvic just to see where my cervix was for the IUD placement (later). "Oh," she said, "you're easy. No problem. I just had one today I had to get down on my knees and look way up at the moon to find her cervix. This will be no problem."

I forgot to ask her not to push on my belly. Ladies, you know that part where they leave a few fingers inside you then push on your belly to see if they feel anything? I gasped and said "AH!" and came up off the table. "I'm sorry," she said. "I was trying to be careful of your wound."
"No, it's my fault, I meant to ask you not to do that. My guts were just rearranged a few weeks ago and I'm very sore."

We all looked and felt chagrined.

Hallelujah.

So I go back in two weeks for the biopsy.  I can handle it if I have someone drive me home (like my husband if he can get the afternoon off).

Then the first of June I have the well woman, i.e., pap smear, and the IUD...installation? Insertion.
As for sex? We're not having any since surgery. This belly wound is problematic. It hurts, it's stinks, it's gross, and my husband doesn't want anywhere near it, either. Should this change in the future, we're going to be using both the Sponge and a spermicidal foam. I'm guessing a few more weeks.

So long story short? I will be unforgettable at that office, that's for sure. I liked the doctor a lot, I suspect she is gay but somehow that made me even more comfortable. I can't explain it. I have a lot of gay friends and I love them all and I know what compassionate people, as a rule, they are. So I'm happy with her and she knows her stuff. Win/Win.

Trip to the OB/GYN

I liked her quite a bit, but the whole visit, heck, the drive to the office, was just ridiculous and stupid. I was going to write it up, but I'm tired and I really need to go to bed.

But have I got some stories to tell.

LOL

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Starting a Gratitude Practice

A blog I enjoy (and a friend) had this link to starting a gratitude practice. I read it about a week ago and in between feeling crappy, pissed, cranky, or annoyed, I thought about it. And I'm tired of feeling crappy, pissed, cranky, and annoyed. I can barely stand to be around myself let alone other people. Ugh. So WTH, it couldn't hurt and might even help. So here I go. This is my first attempt at gratitude. Here we go.

1. I'm so grateful I live in a first world country.

2. I have a safe place to live with running water, heat and air, a beautiful front- and backyard, in a low crime area. All the Navy people, police, and prison guards who live in our neighborhood helps.

3. I have three darling kitties, two of whom are so loving and sweet. I try my best with the third one.

4. I'm grateful for the good insurance that allowed me to get the DS (weight loss surgery) that is improving my health despite all my bitching and whining. I hope it will enable me to live a long, long time, but I understand there are no guarantees.

5. I'm grateful for a second chance to develop a relationship with my mother after eight years of no contact. She can be ornery, but for the most part we have a very loving, fun, cherished relationship.

6. I'm grateful for the few close friends I have. Very grateful. I don't make friends easily. (See prologue ^ ).

7. I'm grateful for my husband, through thick, thin, mis-communication, mis-understandings, fighting, trying harder, practicing compassion and kindness, loving more, and celebrating the ten-year anniversary of our first date next week with a day and a night at the beach.

8. I'm grateful I'm not blind in both eyes. So grateful.

9. Grateful for the IKEA microfiber "fake down" blanket that has kept me and then my husband warm since 2004 and is still in great condition!

10. I love my Android phone. Going a week without it during our recent sojourn to SoCal, it simply drove home how much I rely on it (Google Maps GPS in particular.) Really appreciate having that phone.

I think that's it for now.

I Am Miserable

I had this surgery to improve my health. Yes, I've lost weight. Yes, my blood glucose is below 200 without medication. But I was also hoping to have more energy, be able to go for walks, clean up the house, start packing a little. But I don't have the energy to do it. My surgeon says I'm dehydrated and not getting enough protein. I call bullshit. I'm getting over 70 ounces of liquids and over 50, usually 60 grams of protein. I think I'm anemic again. I doubled up on my iron earlier this week and I don't feel any better. Today, now, since early this morning, I've been ill, like a flu. I say flu because it's not just nausea and diarrhea, but a cough, a real gnarly cough.

Yesterday I had 3 protein shakes ( EAS AdvantEdge, rich dark chocolate, the only protein shake I can tolerate taste-wise), for a total of 51 grams of protein, and I also had the broth off a can of Progresso beef with barley soup. Later I had a little tuna with mayo, a couple tiny bites of cheese (it tasted horrible!! Last week I liked it. *shrug*), and a few crackers to help with some nausea (ok per doctor). I do not attribute any of this to the diarrhea I am experiencing today. This is something different.

I feel like I've had the flu for five weeks. I'm exhausted. Walking from the car to the house wipes me out--including panting for air, a common sign of anemia. I'm supposed to go to the OB/GYN tomorrow afternoon, if I'm not crapping my pants I'll go, otherwise it will have to wait until after we move in June (why establish a relationship with a doctor I'll never see again?) and that's this doctor's next appointment. I'm going to ask her if she'll do a test for anemia. If not, back to my regular doctor who is 1. hard to get into see and 2. has a staff stuck on stupid. They never follow through with anything and fuck up regularly. I like the doctor or I would ditch them completely. Only a few more weeks and then everything will change again (as far as living location).

Having the flu for five weeks (or feeling as if) was not on my agenda. Resuming my life was on my agenda. So I feel like I'm on hold...again.

I'm cranky
pissy
sad
depressed
and fed up.

I think I'm going to go straight protein shakes for a few days--no food tastes good. I heated up some chicken noodle soup this afternoon, drained out the noodles, and only ate about half of a bowl. It tasted bad the more I sipped. Everything tastes bad. I haven't had a cup of coffee since we stopped at a Starbucks in Sunland on our way home from SoCal. It tasted so foul I tossed it.

Speaking of foul, I smell foul (tummy leak shows no sign of easing up), I feel foul, and everything just seems foul. Yeah, tired of this shit.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Quick and Dirty Update

My surgeon met us at his office at 10:30 pm, yes AT NIGHT, (pre-arranged) after we called his service and they called him, so he could look at my very heavily leaking bellybutton wound.

Turns out, the top part of the wound, and which was open all the way to below my bellybutton, had created a "pocket" like a zit would, but it was full of fat and dead blood (red blood cells), not infection. It would try to seal itself up, get full of gross foul-smelling liquid, and burst, in the case of last Thursday night, all over my undies, two Kotex, gauze, a nightgown, a sheet, a mattress pad, and a huge watermelon-sized stain on our fairly new mattress. F*CK!

So, for fun, I now have to lavage it once a day. He gave me a pile of medical syringes (turkey baster-looking things), a full pack of gauze, two measuring cups, two bottles of betadine, and two big plastic bowls.

So every day, in the shower, and he saw me on Friday and said I could do it as many times a day as I want, I must fill one of the big measuring cups with warm/hot water, squirt in some betadine so it's dark, suck it into the syringe, and insert it into the upper opening of my wound and squirt it with betadine water repeatedly. I do it about five times because that's all my ick factor can take. I may start doing it twice a day starting tomorrow.

How does it look now? Much, much improved. The center section is healed together and no longer open, and I have leaking wounds only at the top and bottom, and hopefully they're on their way to healing up, also.

He swore to me that in a month I would have a thin white scar there and nothing else.

I cried while I laid on his table because the thing was so damn icky and scary looking. He said, "Don't cry. Then I'll start crying." I felt bad that he did so it eased up a little.

"I know to you guys," he went on, "it looks terrible. But for me? It looks just fine. Normal. I see this all the time. Don't worry."

He shoved a bunch of gauze in the bottom hole with a surgical swab (those long Q-tips), which burned like a mutherfucker (ow ow ow ow), and I took it out that night by myself. Rip, one quick pull, and done. And ewww. Icky.

So we finished up, he locked up, walked us out, and he and my husband stood and talked science for about 10 minutes. *rolleyes* This happens with all my doctors. My oncologist at UCSF was disappointed when my husband didn't come in for my appointment/checkup (he couldn't find a parking place. San Francisco, come on!). "Oh? Where's your husband? I was looking forward to talking to him. LOL

So it's healing, but the ick and smell are still there. Sometimes R can smell it and his nose isn't that great. Who else is smelling it? UGH. It smells like a cross between the bottom of a dumpster and feces. How do I know what the bottom of a dumpster smells like? If you've ever thrown your keys in there along with a bag of trash...you might know what the bottom of a dumpster smells like (as I do).

I took a 4 hour nap this afternoon after our usual newspaper and Denny's (we still have free entree' coupons!), then cat litter at Target (closed for Easter), then K-Mart for cat food, which was sold out, but got me some Crystal Lite classic orange. It tastes just like the Tang of my childhood (astronauts drink it!!).

I'm going to go finish my all meat omelet (I can probably get four more meal out of it) and watch Call the Midwife and Game of Thrones. Heh.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Horrible Week

it's just been awful and I'm not sure a reprieve is coming. That remains to be seen. In the meantime, I'll have all next week to catch up on my blogging. Praise Jeebus. I'm still here. I'm hanging in. I'm really, really, really tired.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Saw the Surg

I did have an issue that needs addressing with my belly wound. It's not infected, it's too complicated to explain on my Kindle. I'm in SoCal at my inlaws and I'm bushed. I'll catch up eventually.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

A Bit Better Today

I didn't fall asleep until 6 am. Not my choice. I woke up at 3 pm feeling not as shitty.

I attribute that to upping my protein. I had:

Pre made protein shake from Advantage. Cold is fine, warm is ass-like, 10 oz. I chucked it after it got warm.

Cheese 8 gr

5 bites of stew with meat 5 gr

5 bites of Hormel Chili con Carne no beans 5 gr

A turkey dog 6 gr

I'll keep trying to up it. I've upped mine, Up YOURS! LOL

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

I'm Tired, Hungry, and Pissed

 Yesterday I was even more pissed. I'm going to show you some pictures, they're extremely gross, so if you don't want to see them, don't scroll down. The amount of fluid coming out of my tummy is astonishing. It smells SO BAD. Like a cross between human feces, sewer, dirty sock, and the bottom of a dumpster. It makes me gag. I'm on my third sanitary napkin of the day on my bellybutton, and I got up at 3 pm (I haven't had a good nights sleep in a week or so until last night). I woke up to a soaked maxi pad, a soaked microfiber dishtowel, a soaked nightgown, a soaked sheet, a soaked mattress pad, and R just stripped the bed and said there's a big stain on my side the size of a watermelon. I went and looked, and sure enough. I thought the waterproof mattress pad was on the bed. I guess not. F*ck. That bed is only 7 years old. None of my other beds got this beat up, WTH?

Here's a picture of the nightgown I had on last night after I took it off after I got up. It's a white broadcloth cotton summer nightgown with blue ribbons woven through the hem and the neckline. It's a girly nightgown that I've had for about 10 years. It's great in summer (which although it's only April 9thf, it's been in the 90s the last two days. Bugger.)

I sent a pic of my belly wound to my surgeon yesterday, and the nurse called to have me come in on Thursday. He thought it looked fine, but if I was that concerned about it, he would look at it.  When R got home, his brains slid out his ears and he freaked out panicking that I shouldn't drive myself 200 miles. I probably shouldn't, but if I need to get to the doc, what am I to do? So I told him to get off my back and call the doctor himself. So he did.

We're heading down to SoCal on Friday afternoon as it's Spring Break for R next week and he wants to see his dad and I want to see my mom (who is going home from the SNF tomorrow, with a cast on her left arm).

So R got hold of the doctor who said he would see us Friday night, 10 or 11 pm, he didn't care, just call him and he'd meet us at the office.  !!!  Wow, now that's what I call excellent, over and above, patient care. Dayum. That $3,000 was SO worth it.

In the meantime, I'm like a leaking garbage truck. Leaking, leaking, leaking. And in the gross photo I'm about to post, you can see it pooling up--the drainage--at the bottom of my belly button. The top section is the part that popped open. I heard one on Monday, and on Tuesday I was sitting in a chair looking at it when the top one popped and the would split open.

I don't know what that white shit is in the middle, but it's been slowly sloughing off in the shower. Some kind of surgical material I think.

So tell me, does this look all right to you? It doesnt to me. It looks damn scary to me.



So here's my bitching for today:

Bitch:  House is dirty. R is a lousy housekeeper (but teachers have a lot of after school work, too. I get it, but really? You can't pick a napkin up off the floor?)

Bitch:  Nothing tastes good. 

Bitch:  I'm SO tired. I'm upping my protein to see if that helps. I had an Unjury strawberry sorbet protein shake yesterday with lots of ice, like a Slurpee. Tasted like ass. I gagged about half of it down. The rest tasted like fermented milk.

Bitch:  I'm hungry, yet nothing tastes good.

Bitch. My skin looks terrible. I'm going to be floppy. F*ck.

Bitch. I smell. I wonder if others can smell me.

Bright spot:  No diarrhea today. Whoopee.

Bitch:  Almost daily insomnia.

Yeah, I'm miserable, cranky, and I want everyone to know it.   People should not get in my way right now.

This post would have been even pissier if I'd written it yesterday. Glad I held off.


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Stick A Fork In Me

I popped another stitch in my bellybutton. I have a gaping, leaking, smelly wound there. Called the surgeon's office, sent them a picture of it, they called back and moved my appt up to this Thursday. Now I just need yo figure out how to get there. I don't know if I can drive myself that far.

It hurts, though, when I bend or stand like I'm being stabbed in the gut.

Added to the frequent diarrhea I've been enduring all day. Good times. Not.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Like Death Warmed Over

That's how I've felt the last two days. Constant trips to the bathroom where nothing comes out; then 90 minutes where I can't stop. A belly wound that soaked through a maxi pad, a dish towel, underwear, nightgown, and a section of newspaper in less than an hour. I drained it on the toilet last night using four papertowels. It filled up in 2 minutes and smelled so foul and looked so gross I gagged. I thought I might hurl. Later I felt something "snap" in my bellybutyon and it hurts if I bend or otherwise exert myself. I emailed my surgeon and he said everything sounded within normal limits, and he sees me in about 10 days.

Nothing tastes good, and there's a metallic smell coming from our freezers that infuses everything in the fridgee with a metallic taste, so it tastes even more ass-like. I'm exhausted, hungry, and grossed out.

I'm miserable.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

So, How Am I Doing?

Better. This week was hard. My taste buds returned and some gnarly food cravings hit me. I also gained three pounds--the day after I had my first full protein shake, made with ice. Coincidence?

So I've lost the three pounds and two more, for a total of 21 pounds. My face looks different. Angular. My husband said my butt looks smaller. My yoga pants are loose. Today I wore some pants I haven't worn in years (pull-on stretchy, but I used to wear them to work). They fit ok. Not tight, not loose.

My blood glucose is bouncing around all over from 144 to 244. I've reduced my insulin quite a bit, and if I have low numbers at night, I don't take any insulin because it would be very bad for me to crash out. I wouldn't be able to squeeze in enough juice / milk / food quick enough to prevent fall into a sugar coma, which would be very, very bad. As my doctor said, "High blood glucose is bad over the long term, but low blood sugar can kill you in six minutes."  Scary stuff.

So I'm doing pretty well on the hydration front--getting over 40 usually 60 ounces of liquid in per day. I like Crystal Light, iced tea (home made), water, Vitamin Water, and other no cal flavored waters.  I'm getting the bulk of my protein from actual food. Right now I'm trying to get in 30 by 30 (grams by days). It's hard to do. I cannot drink 30 minutes before or after a meal or during a meal. It's hard to squeeze in the hydration with that rule in place, but I do. I'm more concerned about hydration than protein.

Payday was on Monday so I went to a local store I like and stocked up on meat: Sliced ham, sliced roast beef, sliced pastrami, and sliced sharp cheddar (Yeah, I drove. Like a mile. Sue me.). For dinner one night I had three small slices of roast beef with a slice of cheese. It took me an hour to eat and was about 20g of progtein. Then I had to wait 30 more minutes to drink. I hate that.

So I had some serious, bad food cravings this week.I was very unhappy. I wanted an Italian sub; Mexican food (lots of cheese); pot roast; a quiche; and tacos (street tacos--just the meat, onion, cilantro, and salsa. I can probably have that in a few weeks without the tortillas.). The roast beef and cheese helped a lot.

Wednesday night we had to go out to buy our big monthly bag of cat food--since we feed strays, we get 18 -22 pounds, whichever is on sale--and keep it in a plastic tub with a plastic lid. R was hungry and since I've given up cooking duties until I can stand more than 10 minutes, he's been eating a lot of TV dinners. We decided to go to a healthy chain restaurant called Farmer Brother's, and R had a big BBQ chicken ranch salad. It looked and smelled delicious, so I had him get me a wrap to take home and I would just pick out the chicken.

Well...the chicken was breaded and fried. I know you can get it grilled, I didn't know you have to specify. So I have about five pieces of the chicken--oh, there was also bacon *grin*--. It sat in there ok, but the next day? Diarreah for 90 minutes. Uh yeah. Too soon. Lesson learned. I told R he could have it but he does not eat bacon. What a waste.

So back to just pure protein--lunchmeat, tuna salad, egg salad, cheese, and tonight we went out to Denny's. Buy one / Get one Free coupons came in the mail. They also just came out with a grilled Alaskan salmon served with brown rice and broccoli. I had that. I ate just a bit under half of the piece of salmon, which was very good, a tiny bit of tartar sauce on the side, and one bite of brown rice. Done. Full.


I'm going to finish my iced tea, wait 30 minutes, and then have the rest of the salmon, maybe one bite of rice, no broccoli. It was as good as any non-Denny's restaurant salmon is.

So I've been fairly pissed off this week that any interesting food is off the menu. I supposed this is pretty normal for someone 2-3 weeks post-op, all those hormones being released, insomnia (oy, insomnia), and me not yet figuring out what to do with my spare time, yet. It's hard to read, hard to write, hard to pay attention--I'm watching The Weather Channel, FRIENDS, and Seinfeld.  I'm also getting a free month of Netflix DVDs, two arrived on Wednesday and I haven't watched them.  La la la la la la la...what?

Tonight, for fun and exercise, R and I went to Kohl's to get him some new shoes for work. We got some really nice shoes for a very decent price, and they should last a long time. I can't believe he liked them. This is his first pair of new shoes in three years--he's a guy--and the old ones were hurting his feet so badly he actually threw them away. They were coming apart. So that was fun. By the time we were done, I was exhausted. But we still needed to go to Target to get cat litter, a cheese tray and crackers for a potluck at R's work tomorrow, drinking water, and some Vitamin Water (lemon, citrus, acai-blueberry), some Sobe no cal Fuji apple pear (so good!), and a no cal dragonfruit water (brand??) that just looked good. If I'm going to be sucking down a lot of water, I need to like it.

So that's where I am, hormonal, cranky, nausea--usually at night, and unable to sleep (I'll be reaching for the prescribed to me pain meds again tonight.). I gotta have some sleep.

My belly is still leaking. I hate it. I'm going through two dishtowels a day. Kotex pads are not soaking up the fat and it just gets all over. So gross. So gross. Ewww.

Well, I'm hungry, so I gotta finish off this iced tea and then wait 30 minutes.

Still sleeping in the reclining chair.