LilySlim - Weight loss

Monday, March 31, 2014

Bleah

So I'm up three pounds today. I'm not going to weigh as frequently; I think I'll just weigh weekly to avoid the MF (mindfuck).

I've been craving a lot of different foods, mostly Chinese. I had the soup part of a Thai ramen last night--lemongrass and chili--and it was yucky and didn't kill the craving. I'd also like a steak, pot roast, and quiche. In the meantime, I'm still working on the refried beans.

Yesterday I hit my hydration goals and had 32 g of protein.

Today I slept all day. I guess I'm tired.

I find myself watching sitcoms like FRIENDS--things I woudn't normally watch.

I'm exhausted, bored, cold, and hungry. Of course, I can only eat about 5 bites of anything so that hunger is relative.

I've always had a palate for diversity and variety. I also like spicy food. I'm having Cholula on my beans with no problems. Again, back to the food as entertainment.

And my belly is still leaking quite a bit. It smells. My surgeon says it smells normal and that I "must have a very sensitive nose."  It's true, I do. I'm ready for it to be done leaking. Now chunks of fat are coming out. It's so gross.

I'm ready for this part to be over. Bleah.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Two Weeks Post-op

And I feel like crap. We went to the grocery store last night after R got home from work (I'm still not released to drive). We went to the dollar store and loaded up on some dishtowels to soak up my belly fat and blood leaking from my bellybutton wound. Yeah, it's that much. It's also hard to wash out of clothes. I was going to Google "How to get human fat out of fabrics", but was concerned that the NSA might want to talk to me later. :-P Turns out, regular dish detergent, the liquid, can get out fats of any kind, even bicycle grease.

I got some human blubber on my brand new dress when I fell asleep in it. I washed it, but it didn't come out. There's a white shadow where the tummy is. I didn't run it through the dryer; I let it dry over the shower rod. I'm going to soak everything (nightgowns, former dishtowels, undies), in the tub with some Palmolive before I run everything through the washer.

I'm trying a protein shake sample I made with ice and Lactaid milk and it's not too bad. Just by itself with water it was one of the worst things I've ever tasted. Ever. Gag. I think the ice makes the difference. Oh, and we're having to buy ice because something in our refrigerator smells metallic and is making all the frozen food taste metallic. It's nasty. The ice cubes coming out of there are like chewing on aluminum foil. *shudder*

So anyway...back to the store. I wanted refried beans, cream cheese (so good in refried beans), ground turkey, ice, and R got a few things. I did about five rows, then circled through the green grocer section and over to line, and I was exhausted. I was leaning over the cart and I started shaking. R caught up to me and I said, 'You have to take care of this. I have to go sit down over there," and I pointed to the in-store pharmacy that had a couple of comfy chairs for waiting.

R checked out the groceries, took them to the car, moved the car closer to the door, and then came and got me. I wasn't ready to go yet. Finally I got up, he took my arm, and slowly walked me over to the car and drove me home. We couldn't take our van because when we went outside to use it to go to the store, it had a flat tire! Super!

Getting out of that low-to-the-ground T-Bird is hard to do with belly wounds. Yowza.

So I'm constantly going back and forth--too much exercise? too much sitting? Back and forth. And why does my back hurt like a mutherfucker when I stand? What is that about.

Oh, and a tip for the ladies, I thought that my boobs had been taped down during surgery based on the red marks on the under/outer side of them, and my RN friend confirmed, yes, they do tape your boobs out of the way. Now I have a spotted crusty peeling rash on the outside right of my right boob. Thuper.

I haven't weighed myself in a few days. Honestly, right now, I just don't care. My blood sugar is hovering around 200, so I'm still taking low insulin shots, like 10iu. I used to take 37iu in the am, and 30iu at night. And it was around 300. So this is good news, just not "good enough" for me. I'm giving it time, though. It's just two weeks since surgery.

I spent the last few days focusing on hydration. I can still just cram in about 40-48 ounces per day. And that's sipping constantly. This will increase with time, too, I know, as my poor stomach recovers from what was done to it. Protein? I flaked a couple of days, trying to eat more protein without having to have a nasty shake. I don't think I even hit 20 with the protein the last two days. That's why I'm trying the protein shakes again--I can't eat enough protein to even meet a bare minimum. The three spoonfuls of refried beans with a scattering of cheese and turkey meat took me two hours to eat and was cold (I really hate hot food that is cold), but it was yummy.

So back to the protein shakes. So far so good, as long as there is ice in there.

I know I owe a surgery story, but I'm just really tired right now. I'll have it up, eventually.

One last thing: I hadn't been sleeping well the last few nights, so last night I decided to sleep in our bed. I slept 12 hours and had the best nights' sleep I've had since I quit taking the Vicodin (pain) syrup. Yes.

***

Chocolate protein drink sample consumed. I got about 90% of it down before it turned to liquid. It was 25g of protein, so I probably got at least 20. It took less than an hour. Next up:  Strawberry flavor.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

A Few Pics

Here is a photo I took from across the street, at a strip mall, of Huntington Memorial Hospital in Pasadena, CA. It looks like a hotel both inside and out. All rooms are private. My mom said she found a Starbucks inside. R said the cafeteria food was actually good. It's one of the best hospitals you'll find in the US, not just in terms of poshness, but of actual care.

All of my nurses were fabulous, including the strange little man who I let give me a shower on Saturday, without shame. (It felt wonderful.)


Here are a couple of selfies I took while in bed on Saturday. Friday I was out of it most of the day.



This is a selfie I took in the Denny's bathroom the Sunday before surgery. I looked good, and my hair was actually behaving, so I snapped off a few. This will be my last pre-surgery photo, as it turns out.

Shortly after I took this as I was leaving Denny's, a sweet old man with white hair told me, 'You're beautiful!" Then he pointed at R and said, "He's not going to chase me, now, is he?" LOL  No, R was unaware of the interchange. :D Sweet.

I'm doing good, resting, trying to recover, draining a buttload of blood and fat from my bellybutton wound, which is left open intentionally for that reason. Tomorrow we're going to the dollar store for some cheap dish towels, then the grocery store where I want some refried beans. I'm having some peanut butter right now. Delish. Most things taste like ass just now. Ugh. But I'm down 15 pounds and my blood glucose is trending downward. All good.


Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Back Home

I woke up today, sad that there would be no interesting breakfast. Huh. I've known a lot of things about my eating over the years--emotional eating, self-medicating, stuffing feelings--I never realized that "entertainment" was a big part of my eating life.

So I got up and let my cat out the front door--I slept in the reclining chair and he was "mah, mah" -ing at me to open the door. R opens the back door at dawn, but Pascal really likes to go out the front door. I leave it open for fresh air.

After I opened the door, I realized how badly I needed to pee because it started running down my legs. I made it to the bathroom, sat down, and realized I had neglected a maxi pad the night before, hence the leaking. So I got cleaned up, fresh undies, a fresh shop towel for my leaky belly button, got the Swiffer out and mopped up all the pee drips. Not on my list of things to do today...I thought.

It's hard to be humbled by your own body.

I made a cup of Constant Comment tea, and old favorite from childhood it's basically orange spice. Soothing, warm, and wet. I made a big mug, 12 oz.

An hour later I was going to make some cream of chicken soup, but the Lactaid I'd brought back with me from LA (in an icechest) had gone bad and had lumps in it. So I had oatmeal. I'm trying to screw up my courage to make a protein shake. they really taste like fermented milk. Bleh. I had some success with a bit of cottage cheese last night.

The ride home was long, beautiful, great weather, and by the end I was exhausted. We stopped at our favorite grocery story to load up on food supplies, and I was dragging so much I could barely make it over to the little scooters you can borrow. It's the anesthesia. It takes a few weeks to get out of my system and leaves me feeling very zombie-ish.

I'm supposed to shower and take the drain out of my belly--I guess that will be a story for another time, but I waited for R to come home before I do it in case I pass out or fall. He's using the bathroom just now, so I imagine after I'll be sitting on the side of the tub bathing. I don't feel like I can stand long enough to get everything washed.

Lot's to tell. LOTS. It'll be coming out in dribs and drabs over the next few days.

As of yesterday I'd lost 11 lbs, and my blood glucose is trending downward. Yay.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Ermergerd!! We're Off!!

Surgery--if all stays on target--is on Friday.

I woke up this morning panicked because I can no longer eat anything I want. (Which has worked out so well for me up to now. *snort*)

Then I pulled my head out of my ass and realized, that especially all the fabulous meals I'd had this weekend, that food? Was really the last thing on my mind.

I forced my Swedish crepes and snauseges down last night because I needed to eat, but they just didn't taste that good and I really didn't enjoy my meal. IHOP cannot compete with a Harris Ranch ribeye. I don't think anything can.

I'm making some cream of chicken soup, which I am straining for chunks of chicken when it's hot, and I don't really want it, but I am going to eat it because I need to.

So as far as food goes, if I really think about it? For now? I'm just done. I'm sure there is lots more mental wrangling in my mind ahead, and I'll deal with it as it comes. But now? Today? I'm ready. Let's do this!!

I need to finish some laundry, take a shower, empty, fill, and run the dishwasher, and leave. In 30 minutes. LOLOL  R. is just going to have to wait. There's no rush--we're not picking up my mom until tomorrow afternoon.

Also:  My dress came!!!!!!!!  It's just as pretty IRL. I'm so glad. I'm sure I'll be wearing it a lot, and black can hide a multitude of sins.

If you're following along at home, my husband will post on my other blog a status update post-surgery and on Twitter as well. I'm @allthingsparkly .

I'll see you in a few days.

This is it!!!!

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Countdown Closes In

A Quick Note From Jules:

After I published this, I noticed a bunch of links to other websites. Please be aware I have not added the links. I don't know if this is a new Google thing or what, but don't feel obligated to click on them; I didn't add them. KThanksBai.--J.

 Tomorrow I start my liquid diet--creamy items like cream soups (strained) popsicles, apple juice, and ice cream / pudding. The day after is clear liquids--Gatorade, broth, apple juice, etc.

I wasn't planning on going out with such a face-stuffing food orgy, but with my friend here from out of town picking up the tab as we scrambled to finish his project, and which we did, yesterday, and we had a blast at every meal. I had another steak last night. And creme brulee. Oh my. The New York steak wasn't as  good as the ribeye from Saturday night, but still, very good.

I was going to take myself out for breakfast this morning, including a waffle, but I was so tired from working 12 hour days since Friday, that I slept all day. Ugh.

I did get an email from my surgeon yesterday. As I waited for it to open (super secret log-in only encryption), I held my breath hoping he hadn't looked at my labs and cancelled me. *exhale* No. Just my Vitamin D is low, which I knew and my regular doctor had put me on 50,000 iu per week when I saw her last week. The surgeon wants me to up it to 100,000 iu per day post op, and then after three months, drop it to 50,000 iu per day thereafter. So I just got off of Amazon where I ordered the Vitamin D he requested I take, a chewable iron supplement (chocolate / raspberry: I hope it doesn't taste like ass.), and an egg timer. The old fashioned kind with the sand in it so I can time my bites of food when I transition to real food.

I'd already purchased some baby spoons and bowls to eat with so that I keep my portions to the required levels and not eat to fast (and barf. Ugh.) among other things.

My dress is supposed to be here tomorrow, but I am leaving around 2 o'clock to pick up R from school so we can head down to SoCal where I've booked a hotel for two nights. I need to see my surgeon at 9:30 am and then register at the hospital at 10:30 am and I don't want to run the risk of bad traffic and end up missing my appointment. Anyway, if the dress isn't here before I leave, my neighbor/cat sitter is going to re-mail it to my mom's house for me. I told her I'd leave her a labeled envelope and some cash for the postage and all she had to do was take it to the post office. She said "no problem."  Yay. I hope it comes before I leave, though.

I have plenty of other vitamins that I've been taking, religiously, since I was approved in January. I have not missed one supplement and in fact have added a B-complex as of a week ago. As a diabetic, I've had to learn not to miss my meds or injections so I am already in a medicine taking habit, plus all the drugs I take at bed time. I hope to get rid of at least two of them shortly after surgery. *fingerscrossed*

R and I are heading out to Target shortly, after he gets up from his nap, where I plan to look for some unflavored protein to mix into things, plus the things for the liquid and clear liquid diet, a thermometer, and the bowel prep (fun!), then we are going to IHOP where I am going to have the Swedish Crepes, which I love, and that will be my last pre-surgery meal. If Target doesn't have unflavored protein powder, I'll order it online and have it sent to my mom's place.

I'm getting nervous. I don't want anything to go wrong and I don't want my lungs to misbehave as they are wont to do. *fingerscrossed*

Tomorrow I'm going to pack, (lists are made), and then I'm going to leave, not to return until...who knows when? I will be staying at my mom's post-op--I just can't do stairs or dysfunctional family members and my friend who was here agreed saying "You can't heal if you're stressed, and it sounds stressful." Uh, yeah. My mom is giving up her bed and sleeping on the couch instead of me. The couch is so low I can barely get off of it now let alone post-surgery. I'll be bringing my own pillows.

I can't think of anything else. I just hope the pain is manageable, I don't barf or fall down (I'm asking for a walker post-op. I have no depth perception to speak of and a bad ankle. I'm unsteady even on a good day.). R and my mom are going to be there surgery day, and R is going to sleep in my room. His dad's
 birthday is on Monday, so he's going to spend some time with his dad that day. I'm hoping to be released that day so he can take me and my mom to her place. Otherwise? If I'm discharged later than Monday? I'll have to rely on the in-laws to come pick me up. Ack.

Prayers and good juju for me.

Cheers

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Busy Effing Weekend

One of my long-term clients (and a good friend) came up on Friday for the weekend to finish and publish his book--that he's worked on in one way or another for 25 years. In return, he's been wining and dining R and I like we were royalty. The guy is too much, and we've laughed so much, OMG. I've had lobster, Viet Namese, a big fat Harris Ranch ribeye, bread pudding with bourbon sauce, and today a big plate of melted cheese (Mexican food). The no carb, calorie, meat, or dessert left behind tour is almost over. LOL

He's staying one more day because my computer may have jacked up everything I/we worked on over the weekend. So hopefully tomorrow we'll get it knocked out and I can start listing, packing, and preparing to leave on Wednesday.

In the meantime, I thought about it a couple of days, found an online coupon for 40% off at this retailer, and bought this dress , to, as HD said, "Schlub around in" post-surgery. I even got the expedited shipping. I think it's pretty, and I can wear it around the house if / when it becomes too big.

In the meantime, I'm getting scared: scared this surgery won't go forward. I don't know what I'll do if this one gets cancelled, too. I just don't know.

Wish me luck / pray for me / wear your jammies inside out, would you? Thank you.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Listing

It's time to start making lists. I'm making them in my head sort of like Arya's prayer/hit list in the Fire and Ice series by George R. R. Martin (you may know it better as "A Game of Thrones":  "Raff the Sweetling, the Tickler, the Hound, Sir Gregor, Sir Ilyn, King Joffrey, Queen Cersei...."

Only mine looks more like this:

  • Chapstick
  • Hand Cream
  • Slippers *buy a slip on pair
  • Yoga Pants
  • Undies--multiple pairs
  • Nightgowns
  • Kindle
  • Reading material
  • Vitamins
  • Ad infinitum
I'm going to have a list for the two nights I'll be spending in SoCal to see the surgeon, pre-register at the hospital, pick up my mom, do a bowel prep, and then any time I'll be staying in SoCal post-op.

Then the hospital list.

Then a list for all my medications and vitamins, and special foods I'll need like cream soups, broth, popsicles, Jell-O, etc. for the two days prior to surgery. And it's early in the morning, thank g*d, because I know I'll be hungry.

So I'm thinking I need three lists:

1. Hospital
2. Pre-hospital
3. Post-hospital

I'll start it tomorrow as I also plan to catch up on housework tomorrow. The laundry is mostly caught up--I have one load going right now out in the garage, but it's time to vacuum up the cat hair that lingers in the corners, dust, and clean the bathrooms, along with regular kitchen duties.

I finished the appendix I was working on last night around 4am. I was going to treat myself to a movie, GRAVITY, via On Demand (which I've not once used since we moved here), but by then I was wiped. I read for about 20 minutes and then passed out like a vampire at sunrise, and was out of it until 1 o'clock. Even that was a struggle.

So I watched GRAVITY today. I was disappointed that Sandra Bullock didn't win the Oscar for this film, but now that I've seen it, I can say, I understand why now. Don't get me wrong, it was a fine role and well done, but it wasn't her best effort. Still, I enjoyed it.

I want to see if I can get AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY on demand. The play/book was damn good. And eerily like so many families I know, mine included (dysfunctional).

Also: Once my reimbursement shows up? This girl is getting a pedicure. My last one was in August. My feet look terrible. It's ridiculous. Ugh. One of the problems being overweight is that I can't reach my toes to paint them. I can, just barely, but it's usually a mess because I have to stretch so far and it just gets all over. I'm looking forward to giving myself pedicures in the future.

Tomorrow: Listing.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Update

So...after spending the day crafting a letter, having a friend proof it, and contacting the doctor's office, someone at my HSA who knew what they were doing, approved and paid my reimbursement claim today. They sent me an email. I hadn't had a chance to get back to them, so whoever contacted me originally, didn't know what the hell they were talking about. *fume*  I could've gone without the additional stress, thank you. But it is resolved. It takes a day or two to go to my bank account, once it does, I will be booking hotel rooms. *exhale*  And thank you to my friend for the help; it really was invaluable. xo

R is taking a nap. I can't wait to tell him. This ought to make his day. It sure made mine. And week.

***

In other news, only two of my four prescriptions made it over to the pharmacy. I have one refill, but the two new ones, Vitamin D and Lasix, are not at the pharmacy. I forgot to call before five pm (I'm re-building an appendix for a client and was distracted), and it didn't get done. But really, not a surprise.

Back to the appendix. :-)

I'm Cleared for Surgery

I saw my doctor today. R came with as he took the day off and he agreed that she is a good, kind, and thoughtful doctor. She even looked at some skin tags he has and then gave us a referral to a good dermatologist in the area. R has an appointment at the end of the month.

So my EKG came back fine, my chest x-ray was fine, most of my labs were fine, but some were not. My A1C (3 month diabetes blood glucose average) actually went up! Hmm...maybe it was the box of cherry turnovers? Or the chocolate covered raisins? Or the raisin toast? Or the Hot Tamales....you see where I'm going here, right? Yeah, out of control panicky eating. It has, as I wrote yesterday, mostly abated. I've had enough cake, cookies, candy, ice cream, and pastries for a lifetime, and the will still be in my life, but in much lower quantity and frequency. And I'm fine with that. I say that until I weep over some cheese-filled Danish (fill in the blank) something that I can't eat and I'll have to remember this post, suck it up, eat what I can eat, move on, and deal with it, dang girl!! LOL

One of my labs, my Vitamin D, is low, again. I was on 50,000 iu three years ago for six months, but it's back down again. I'm supposed to pick up a prescription for it. We went to the pharmacy after the appointment and none of my refills nor the D and now Lasix (my potassium is just over the high mark which can be dangerous) were ready. So I'll call tomorrow before I drive over. And yes, I will hassle the doctor's office. If she thought it was that important to start it now, then where is my prescription that was supposed to sent over electronically?

I didn't have the idiot nurse today, I had an intern who, quite frankly, was much more prepared and organized than the gal with all the experience Huh. I told her she did great.

So all my labs were supposed to go over today, and I told the surgeon's office if they don't get it, to let me know. She said they would take care of it. Also, I overnighted the last payment to the surgeon today. I used Stamps.com (they offered me some free postage) and it told me to take my package to the post office. Turns out I had it in the wrong envelope, so the clerk was kind enough to cut off the paper "stamp" I had printed out, a label, really, and put it on the correct envelope which I then readdressed with a form they needed and which they stuck on the front. They'll have it tomorrow. Awesome.

In the meantime, the HSA is really been an ass about reimbursing us for these program costs. I ran around like a chicken with their head cut off for a large part of the afternoon, took an early Klonopin (I usually take at bedtime), and I felt myself calming down in about 20 minutes. Ugh.

So it was R's birthday, and he chose a nice barbecue restaurant and I had a fabulous tri-tip with a bleu cheese wedge salad with caramelized bacon. OMG. So good. Their sauce was really good, too. R was happy, and I gave him a mushy card that he really liked. We don't really exchange gifts. I don't know why, we just don't. We usually do an experience like dinner out, whale watching, a trip to a forest, stuff like that. I still like to get cards, though, and so does he.

So hopefully everything to handled today--my labs got faxed over to the surgeon, my prescriptions got transmitted to the pharmacy, and my money order for the final payment will show up tomorrow (and she said she'd email me when it does.). *fingerscrossed*

I'm so excited to get this done and over with and come home, although due to the lack of HSA reimbursement coming in a timely fashion, we may be doing some van camping and then I'll probably spend about a week at my in-laws. I'll sit out in the yard between walks and play on my laptop. I'm hoping to get some writing done on my novel. We'll see, I may have anesthesia brain (doih!).

I'm praying like a cardinal at a convocation: Please, don't let anything divert me from this path, and that there be no serious complications. World without end, Amen.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Overeating Abating

I've gained six pounds since the end of January. AWESOME!!! This after I actually managed to lose four pounds over Christmas. LOL Ya gotta laugh or you'll kill something sometimes.

So I'm backing off the food stuffing. I don't feel that great and it doesn't taste that good. I had a Pink Lady apple last night and it was so delicious. I love me some PL apples. I wonder...will I be able to put an apple, or other fruit into my protein shakes in the blender? Like berries? Or will that be too many carbs? I need to check into that. They're full of vitamins and fiber so I would like to add them in. I'll check and find out. Maybe apples are off the menu for a long while....maybe never? I'd hate for that to happen. Maybe a once-in-a-while thing.

I think the only thing I want to eat before I go under the knife is a nice big plate of Mexican food. A shredded beef taco, a cheese and onion enchilada, rice and beans, and maybe a Margarita. Alcohol is also banned for two years so I should say farewell to the booze for a while. That's not a big deal for me as I just don't drink very often. I drink about two or three times a year, mostly at Christmas. It's just not important to me, athough sometimes a nice glass of wine can hit the spot. That reminds me--I have a bottle of Moscato chilling in the fridge and the Oscars are on. Hmmm.....I think I'll have a glass (or two) once the show starts.

Ta for now!

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Decided

My husband came home from work and I could just tell by the look on his face that he'd had a bad day. We talked about it for a while and then I said, "Well, sit down. I've had a bit of a bad day myself." And I told him about the missing HSA claim. Then I made the two suggestions as to how to make that payment in time for surgery, and he said, "F*ck it. Let's pay it. You've come too far, waited too long to miss this opportunity." So we went to Malwart and got a money order that I'm going to priority mail (and insure), with tracking info, tomorrow. Our post office is open half day on Saturday.

Unfortunately I can't use my debit card because my account is overdrawn. It was stupid. In order to avoid paying a large ($400-) deposit to PG&E to initiate electric service, I signed us up for direct payment. They use a third-party vendor.

About three weeks later I received a letter telling me that the first automatic deduction would start on December 18th. This was in early October. The 18th came and went, and no withdrawal. Huh. Then I got a letter advising me that the routing and account information I had given them was "invalid." I'm guessing I just typed it in wrong.

So in January, I resubmitted it. No letter in the mail advising me of when it would start or anything, so I thought (assumed ugh), that it would be the 18th starting in March.

Uh, no. The 20th of February. My credit union paid it even though I told them when I opened the account that I didn't want them paying charges that came through and then dunning me for an overdraft. Suddenly, they decided to do this. They paid the PGE bill ($60-), plus $30- overdraft. Since I only had about $20- in there, that overdrew me quite a bit. Then I sent two .99 cent faxes to the HSA reimbursement company. Yep, those ended up being $30.99...each. Ouch!

So I knew that my reimbursement deposit would reimburse me enough to cover the overdraft, pay the surgeon, and leave some left over for hotel and travel costs. But I'm still waiting.

So I can't use my card. Stupid, I know. Stupid stupid. But I honestly did not expect that charge to come out this month. I paid it in cash at their office downtown for January. I was planning on doing it again this month but we never got a bill. So I'm going to have to log into it online before the 20th--the same day our car insurance gets deducted--to make sure I have enough in there to cover it.

But the surgeon will be paid. I already emailed the office to let them know it's coming and I'll forward the tracking information when I get it, also.

Sigh.

It's done.

Wish me luck. And less of "the stupid."