LilySlim - Weight loss

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Restless Night

I slept badly last night.

My feet hurt. The diabetic neuropathy is actually worse now post-diabetes post-DS surgery than when I actually had diabetes. I'm also out of amitryptilene, that I used to treat the pain. I've been trying to find a doctor under our new plan, Medi-Cal (Medicaid in other states), but not a lot of doctors take it. Also, we haven't received our medical ID cards. *urgh*

My butt hurts when I sit too much. Or sometimes for no reason. Like last night.

My right arm has been hurting in the early mornings, waking me up. It feels like a bone bruise, bone pain, and my shoulder, arm bone between shoulder and elbow, and wrist throb with pain. This has been going on for over a month and is spreading and getting worse. I don't know what it is. No position alleviates the pain. I've slept through thunderstorms and fire engines with sirens, so when I say that pain woke me up, it's got to be bad. I also have a low pain tolerance, but still. Pain should not be waking me up.

Then I had bloating, gas, and gas pains. I ate four bites of buttered bread at Denny's--a bite out of each half slice, just where the butter was. I also had hummus and 1/4 of a fresh, warm pita bread at dinner last night at a Greek/Lebanese cafe. (I had a Fatoush salad with grilled beef, side of garlic sauce. I ate it in two different meals.)

That caused the bloating and gas pain. I guess. I didn't eat anything else different and I've had hummus before with no ill effect.

I woke up early feeling unrested and I have big dark circles under my eyes. I wonder if that's a permanent condition now...?

On Sunday, I feel like I pooped my brains out. I went four times by dinnertime, and the amount of poop that came out of me was amazing. I feel like I lost 10 pounds in just poop. Un. Be. Lievable.
R also had bathroom issues (he has irritable bowel), so we were synched with our bathroom needs that day.

Yesterday not too much, although I've already gone twice today.

I want to lounch around in bed today, but I've got a lot to do and my ass hurts. I'm going to go for a walk and see if that helps with the pain. Plus, it's gorgeous here and I really should get out and about.


One Coping Mechanism

I love baked goods. I'll take a cheese Danish over a piece of candy or chocolate any day. That is my weakness. One of the ways I cope with the overwhelming images that we are bombarded with on all forms of food media from billboards to Twitter, is by remembering this: They are trying to sell me something. And not just that, but I've noticed that most grocery stores put their baked goods right by the entrance! Impulse buy? Here I am!!

I have a very black/white view of social justice, and I have boycotted a number of places, for years, if I believe they have behaved badly in some way against an innocent person or groups of persons. There is no gray area in my mind. You're either ethical or you're not. For instance, I quit buying SHELL gasoline after the  execution/murder of Ken Saro WiWa in 1995. I will never buy anything from them--not a car wash, not gas, not a candy bar, EVER--for their abominable treatment of the Ogoni people resulting in the death of that brilliant man.

I was deeply impacted by Ken Schlosser's book Fast Food Nation, which I read in 2002. I quit eating at McDonald's for good (with a few exceptions when I had no other choices like while traveling), and most other fast food places--at least those with poor food handling practices, slaughterhouse practices, employment practices, ad infinitum.

So when I feel the overwhelming fingers of marketing trying to massage my addiction, I rebel. Oh hell no, you are not going to talk me into eating some crap that is bad for me, even if I didn't have WLS or had diabetes--you are selling a product without thought or regard for the effect that product will have on your consuming public, and I, for one, am not going to fall for it.

Righteous anger keeps me away from most of the bad stuff. I have more of a struggle at privately owned places that make from scratch, chemical free products. That's a little more difficult.The best thing I can do is to just keep out of those places and eat the protein first--I usually don't have room for anything else after that.

Whatever works and what I can live with. The less processed foods and chemicals that go into my body, the happier I am and better I feel. Win/win.

Additionally, I was going through a bag of my clothes to sell, and I found a blouse that my husband's mother gave me. It's a lovely sheer blouse over a cotton tank with paisley and lovely beading. It fit my upper body perfectly, was a bit snug over my hips, but did fit.

It was a size 14. Holy crap.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Some New Photos

I took these today with my new Android phone from Verizon--and which I love. Great phone--so I took these this afternoon with the new phone. These are the best of the shots. I enjoy taking selfies because it helps me understand how my appearance has changed in just six months. I've been tired all day, and I've got some big dark circles under my eyes, but hopefully they won't stick around (more protein!). So here they are...

Cheesecake Queen - With an Update

It's my thing now, man.  High protein, 0 sugar, low carbs. Oh yell yeah.

So I made one tonight based on the recipe I posted a few days ago with a few exceptions:

No HWC--instead I used 8 ounces of sour cream, full fat.

I put all the vanilla, 2 tbsp, right into the cream cheese mixture after I had beaten it.

1 1/2 tbsp of lemon juice

I mixed after each addition and added the cup of Stevia in by 1/3rds, mixed, then added the next third and so on.

The result?

A much thicker texture, creamier and more flavorful. This might be it.

Also, based on a request by my hubs, I baked the crust (1 cup graham cracker crumbs, 4 tbsp butter melted, 1 tsp stevia) at 400F for about 20 minutes. It came out very dark but it smells fab. After it cooled I put the cream cheese mixture onto it and popped it in the fridge. I haven't had any yet, but I'll let you know. The beaters were mighty good, I'm here to tell you. :D


Okay, clearly finding the prefect cheesecake is a journey.

The above turned out great in taste, but the texture is very gluey. Like what you'd imagine beaten cream cheese would look and feel like.

I did like the crunchy crust, however. That can stay.

So I think I'm looking at baking a cheesecake instead of going the no-bake route. This basically means eggs and time in an oven. At my in-laws, I do have access to an oven. If we end up staying at the weekly motel longterm (and would I? With cats? Not fair to them, me thinks.). I would not have oven access.

I guess I'll keep experimenting until I find one I like. I'm not the best recipe-creator. I can modify an existing recipe, but macing one up out of whole cloth? Not so good at.:-)


Wednesday, September 24, 2014


I am a recovering food addict. Now that I've had the weight loss surgery, the DS, that makes it harder for me to binge eat (ha! as if.), and eating off target foods can cause GI distress in the form of either the runs or constipation, the former sometimes immediately.

I don't smoke, quit in 2006.

I don't drink, doctor's orders. I had a fatty liver, and liver enzymes are elevated for the first year or so post-DS, so I want it to heal as much as possible--I had hepatitis in 1984, Non/A, Non/B, there was no C then, but I've been tested and I don't have any of those three (I believe there is hepatitis up to K in the alphabet, now), so I've always had to keep an eye on my liver.  Once my early 20s passed, I basically only drink on holidays or hot days (Margaritas). So taking two years off to let my liver heal is really not a big deal. I'm grateful as hell it will heal.

I'm married, eight years next month, so sport-fucking is out as an addiction. Yes, it really is.

Crying is difficult, near impossible, because I take Prozac for depression and it suppresses most tears.

But I recently caught myself going down the slippery slope of shopping addiction. It's easy to rationalize because I need new, smaller clothes, since dropping 80 pounds (officially, today). And then earrings on clearance, shower gel, blah blah blah. I've been spending money we don't have.

I don't have an income. My husband gets unemployment after being laid off from his teaching job in June, and it's not a lot. Staying with my in-laws means we don't pay rent, but we couldn't afford to live here regardless, job or not job. Rents are through the roof in the OC. $1,000 will get you a room in a house or apartment, sharing a bathroom. I am not making this up. I wouldn't be living at my in-laws if it were true.

But I have been buying stuff on clearance at Target. I have a Target RED card. It's attached to my bank account, but it has a float time of 48 hours and I can get cash back on it if necessary, like, I don't know, losing my mind after being frustrated by my in-laws for weeks and weeks and heading out either in a car or on foot...? Uh, yeah.

A $100- spent at Target can break our budget for the month. I've bought t-shirts, tops, earrings on clearance, makeup, shower gel, nail shit, but a lot of it. And with my RED card I get an additional 5% off!  *rolleyes*

Yesterday I gave my RED card to my husband. I have no other credit cards, for the same reason. So last night I was so frustrated, so upset, so needing time alone and away from my in-laws and everyone else, that I walked out of the garage holding a dress I am selling on eBay, a pair of R's business slacks, a NOOK reader, and an 18" ruler. I was wearing a sleeveless maxi dress over my nightgown, I had on flip flops and no bra. I walked out of the garage and just kept on walking. I made it about 1.5 miles away at the big intersection and where there is a Starbucks. I read on my Nook, emailed my husband, who showed up about 90 minutes later with my purse and a bra.

And know what? The exercise was awesome. I wanted to keep going but I had nowhere to go and wasn't sure I could make it home in the flip flops.

I want to exercise. It's fun. I like it. It feels good. I want to do more of it. Need to do more of it. It reminds me of being again when moving was effortless and my body responded.

So I'm going to try and transfer my shopping addiction to exercise. I think it will work.

Of course, I'd like some cute exercise clothes and some black, hot pink, and purple tennis shoes.  LOL  Maybe when I start working. ;-P

Monday, September 22, 2014


I took my mom out yesterday for lunch to the Macaroni Grill. She'd always wanted to go there and was thrilled. I had the lasagna bolognese--high protein and low carbs. I had about four normal bites and was full dammit! and for dinner I had Hawaiian bbq, beef, for dinner, some macaroni salad (with tuna!), a piece of homemade low carb sf cheesecake, and went to bed.

 Ive had the shits all day with accompanying stomach cramps. Ugh.

I also didn't eat enough. I just did MFP and I only had 60g of protein yesterday. Diarrhea doesn't make sense. Shrug.

 So I'm "taking the day off", staying in bed (between runs to the bathroom), napping and reading. Considering that pre-DS I had "days off" (in bed days) at least twice a week, one in six months is a VAST improvement.

I'm also protein loading--cheese, nuts, a Kind bar. I'll have some meat later on. Things went smoothly for six months...I hope this is not a preview of things to come. *fingerscrossed*

Sunday, September 21, 2014

No Bake, SF, Low Carb Cheesecake


I don't think I'll make it again. It wasn't the recipe I originally wanted to make, but I searched everywhere for it and I couldn't find it, so I made this one as it sounded good.  My comments/changes are in red. Here's the recipe:

1 cup graham cracker crumbs
4 tbs butter, melted and slightly cooled

You can skip the crust, of course, but it's not cheesecake to me without the graham cracker crust and the amount of carbs in a serving is really, really low. Also, next time? I will bake the crust first.

3, 8 oz bricks of full fat cream cheese, room temperature
1 1/2 tbsp lemon juice
1 1/2 tbsp vanilla
1 cup Stevia, or to taste

1 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream
1 1/2 tbsp vanilla
1 tsp Stevia


Mix graham cracker crumbs with butter, press into a 9x11 pan, a 9" springform pan, a square pan, whatever you have and works for you. I actually used an oblong casserole dish. Set aside.

Whip HWC with vanilla; refrigerate

Beat cream cheese until smooth. Add lemon, mix until blended. Add vanilla, mix until blended. Add Stevia, mix well until blended with electric mixer. I started with 1/2 a cup, then another 1/4 of a cup, and ended up using the whole cup. Your tastes may vary.

Fold in whipped cream (easier said than done). I folded and folded and still had big lumps of cream cheese. I ended up stirring with a big spoon.

Pour over your graham cracker crust, cover with plastic wrap. Refrigerate four hours or overnight.

I put it in the fridge at 3:30pm and served it up around 10pm. It got rave reviews from my hubs, BIL, MIL, and FIL had a couple of bites.

I thought the cream cheese mixture before the addition of the whipped cream was much better tasting and denser than with the added whipped cream. If I make this again, I'll leave that bit out and put the whipped cream on top. It tasted more like cheesecake mousse to me. Not that that is bad, I just wanted something denser like a traditional cheesecake. Perhaps I can make a traditional cheesecake, with eggs (protein!), and Stevia. That could work. We'll see how motivated I am. This definitely took the edge off the cheesecake craving, but it was good, not fabulous. I want fabulous.

Saturday, September 20, 2014


So on Thursday, I had a muffin at Mimi's, lemon poppyseed along with all the protein and a lot of walking, yesterday I upped my protein to 115, fat to 80, and carbs 43, and I have GAINED 1.6 pounds. Fuck me.



Here are my MFP totals for today. Better, mostly because I had a small sirlon steak, medium, with bleu cheese dressing at Norm's, a SoCal 24-hour diner fave. We got something called "The Trio", and we share it:  Sirloin steak (6 oz), 4 fried shrimp, 3 chicken tenders, baked potato, soup, salad. I had the steak and three fried shrimp, my DH had the chicken, potato, and salad. I ate all the meat (chicken and polish sausage) out of the gumbo. DH also ate both rolls and butter.

I feel bloated, my stomach is swollen, and I feel "backed up." Bleh.

Tomorrow is my mom's birthday, I'm taking her to lunch wherever she wants to go or Macaroni Grill if she'll let me surprise her.

Totals 1,893 60 120 132 2,403 21
Your Daily Goal 3,000 38 267 113 2,300 59
Remaining 1,107 -22 147 -19 -103 38

Calories Carbs Fat Protein Sodium Sugar

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Weight Loss Slowdown

Is it possible...that I'm not eating enough protein? Since August 22nd, I've lost just 4 lbs. I don't understand why. I do not eat rice or pasta; two or three times a week I may have 1/2 a slice of toast (wheat or rye) with butter with over easy eggs, but any other carbs are negligible such as in nuts, cottage cheese, HWC, fruit two or three times a week, and so on. What do you think?

Here are my numbers for today. Please weigh in with your thoughts (yes, pun intended *grin* ):

Totals 1,323 53 87 89 2,586 27
Your Daily Goal 3,000 38 267 113 2,300 59
Remaining 1,677 -15 180 24 -286 32

Calories Carbs Fat Protein Sodium Sugar

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Pictures September 16, 2014

Taken about an hour ago in the guest room, where we've been staying, at my in-laws:

Sans flash, in shadow...

In the light, taken by R from a sitting position. It's been very hot and humid here, and it's making my hair frizzy. Uck.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Pumpkin Muffin Fallout

Well, it was inevitable, but almost worth it. I pooped more than my normal once a day in the am today; I had gas off and on; and I had stomach cramps for most of the day. AWESOME. I opted to roll the dice and take my chances, and that's the price.

I was back on target today with heavy protein and breve coffee and iced coffee, but I felt as if I couldn't fit enough food in, almost as if my poor colon was taking up all the room from yesterday, knowhatImsayin'? Just out of room.

The muffin was awesome though.


We just got home after a five hour drive, not including a stop for dinner, and my now bony ass is sore and tired. We looked at some rentals today, from the outside, no one returned our calls or emails to look at the inside and the big complex we were interested in had no vacancies ergo no units for us to even look at.


I hate house hunting.


Thursday, September 11, 2014

How's My Weight?

Offically? Like, step-on-a-scale weight? I have NO idea. I've not been on a scale in over a week (?), I think.

But my size 2X, $10- Kmart special capris that I bought in June are sliding off my hips. I could fit a baby inside the pants, I'm serious.

My hernia is showing more...I can really see it. I'm not worried about it, though.

I'll weigh on Saturday morning when I have access to my scale, which at the moment lives in our van because we've been staying with my husband's parents for the last few months (me on and off from June to August, more permanently since August. I'm ready to GO.), and we're out of town at the moment and won't be home until late tomorrow night.

My husband got a job, today. Amen and hallelujah!

If all goes well with no snags, hiccups, or ridiculous improbabilities, he'll be working by middle / late next week. *fingerscrossed*

So I guess I could be excused for having a pumpkin spice cream cheese muffin at Starbucks about 90 minutes ago.

Celebratory muffin?

That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Big, deep exhale. *whew*

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Closed at Last

What am I talking about? My belly-button, of course!

After I saw my surgeon on the 22nd and he cauterized it and burned off the little piece of fat that was sticking out of the bottom like a greasy little tongue, it started healing right up. Today was the first day I went without a Kotex stuck to the front of my undies over my bellybutton (to catch blood and other fluids). It's not 100% closed, but I would definitely say 99% closed.

With my six month post-surgery anniversary date coming up, it was time for it to close. I'm so glad it finally has. Woot!

In other news....

What looked like a weird-shaped mole that metamorphosed into what appeared to me to be a dermal melanoma today, after I gave it a squeeze because it looked weird, expelled some pus. Huh. It still looks like a weird mole only now with a hole in the center. I'm going to have a doctor look at it soon because

WE HAVE INSURANCE!!  It becomes official on Monday. We are approved for subsidized Medi-Cal until the end of the year (so there will be limits on who we will see as a lot of doctors do not accept Medi-Cal [which is Medicaid in other states]), but after that, this fall we will be able to select from a variety of subsidized health insurance such as Blue Cross, Kaiser, Aetna, and so on, and will be more like regular insuranc albeit administered by the state Medi-Cal program. Hooray!  What a huge relief. I can have my labwork done to see how my vitamin and protein levels are looking. I have a list I can print out from my surgeon's website for recommended labs and the ICD-9 (medical) codes to bill insurance for without it getting rejecting as "not covered."  Then again, insurance has changed so much, this may be irrelevant now. Whatever. Just test my damn blood, please. LOL

Saturday, September 6, 2014

DS-style Peach Cobbler


  • 1/2 of a fresh peach, sliced into thin slices (peel off or on, your choice)
  • Heavy Whipping Cream (HWC) to taste (I covered the slices in a cereal bowl)
  • Cinnamon to taste
  • cottage cheese 1/2 cup
  • a thumb-sized piece of cinnamon roll filched from your mother in law and torn into tiny pieces and tossed over the cottage cheese / peach mixture
Also works well with strawberries or raspberries, etc. 

Eat with a fork or spoon. Fight off your cat who has a dairy addiction. Drink the cinnamon-flavored HWC after the bowl is empty.


Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Gratitude List

  • DS surgery
  • my laptop
  • fast wifi
  • snuggly kitties
  • fall is on its way
  • a healthy body
  • being able to stand, walk, stretch, and move without losing my breath or becoming exhausted
  • smaller feet, more comfortable shoes
  • my sister actually emailed me recently, twice!
  • onshore breezes
  • comfortable nightgowns
  • Blue Diamond almonds--I have five flavors: wasabi / soy; honey roasted; honey roasted chipotle; salted caramel; strawberry. My fave are the honey roasted chipotle (carbs and protein are nearly identical on all the various flavors.)
  • face cream
  • iced coffee
  • hot coffee
  • whipped cream
  • SF chocolate syrup
  • Starbucks
  • Kay's Naturals protein chips
  • OUTLANDER on Starz
  • fish dinners
  • sharp cheddar
  • ham and cream cheese rollups
  • family that puts up with us
  • a nearly closed bellybutton incision
  • my nieces
  • my mom
  • Led Zeppelin on YouTube
  • loading photoshop and InDesign, CS3, on my new laptop (it's the only version I own and wasn't sure it would load. Word 2007 won't load.)
  • my dearest friend from high school
  • steaks
  • baby back ribs
  • 24 hour diners
  • quiet nights
  • poets and poetry
  • writers
  • Amazon
  • ankles full of metal that still function (can walk)
  • Greek yogurt