I Am Miserable

I had this surgery to improve my health. Yes, I've lost weight. Yes, my blood glucose is below 200 without medication. But I was also hoping to have more energy, be able to go for walks, clean up the house, start packing a little. But I don't have the energy to do it. My surgeon says I'm dehydrated and not getting enough protein. I call bullshit. I'm getting over 70 ounces of liquids and over 50, usually 60 grams of protein. I think I'm anemic again. I doubled up on my iron earlier this week and I don't feel any better. Today, now, since early this morning, I've been ill, like a flu. I say flu because it's not just nausea and diarrhea, but a cough, a real gnarly cough.

Yesterday I had 3 protein shakes ( EAS AdvantEdge, rich dark chocolate, the only protein shake I can tolerate taste-wise), for a total of 51 grams of protein, and I also had the broth off a can of Progresso beef with barley soup. Later I had a little tuna with mayo, a couple tiny bites of cheese (it tasted horrible!! Last week I liked it. *shrug*), and a few crackers to help with some nausea (ok per doctor). I do not attribute any of this to the diarrhea I am experiencing today. This is something different.

I feel like I've had the flu for five weeks. I'm exhausted. Walking from the car to the house wipes me out--including panting for air, a common sign of anemia. I'm supposed to go to the OB/GYN tomorrow afternoon, if I'm not crapping my pants I'll go, otherwise it will have to wait until after we move in June (why establish a relationship with a doctor I'll never see again?) and that's this doctor's next appointment. I'm going to ask her if she'll do a test for anemia. If not, back to my regular doctor who is 1. hard to get into see and 2. has a staff stuck on stupid. They never follow through with anything and fuck up regularly. I like the doctor or I would ditch them completely. Only a few more weeks and then everything will change again (as far as living location).

Having the flu for five weeks (or feeling as if) was not on my agenda. Resuming my life was on my agenda. So I feel like I'm on hold...again.

I'm cranky
pissy
sad
depressed
and fed up.

I think I'm going to go straight protein shakes for a few days--no food tastes good. I heated up some chicken noodle soup this afternoon, drained out the noodles, and only ate about half of a bowl. It tasted bad the more I sipped. Everything tastes bad. I haven't had a cup of coffee since we stopped at a Starbucks in Sunland on our way home from SoCal. It tasted so foul I tossed it.

Speaking of foul, I smell foul (tummy leak shows no sign of easing up), I feel foul, and everything just seems foul. Yeah, tired of this shit.