LilySlim - Weight loss

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Eating and Loss

I'm so far behind I don't even know where to pick up where I left off.

I do know it must be near the 20th of the month because I'm breaking out like a 15-year-old girl, my brain is foggy, and my mood is spiraling downward--I'd like to crawl in a hole and pull the  cover in over me.

Yesterday I went to see my PCP. I had a long list of things, most of which she agreed with, a few she just sloughed off like "no big deal," which annoyed me, plus the hour-long wait in her lobby. I actually fell asleep in there. By the time I got out of there, the scrambled eggs I'd had four hours earlier had worn off and I was starving. I went to Marie Callendar's. I love their quiche and salad sampler. I don't eat the crust of the spinach / bacon / cheese quiche, I eat most or some of the chicken Waldorf salad, and some of the green salad. I get it every time I go there now how many times I think "try something new." It's just that good and hits the spot.

Yesterday the waitress brought me a big piece of cornbread. I pushed it to the far side of the booth so I wouldn't be tempted and went back to my book.

But of course I was tempted. I broke off a corner with a fork and slathered on a big pile of butter. OMG. Delish. I ate half of it before I got control of myself. I pushed it away again.

My lunch came and I devoured it. I was ravenous.I also had coffee with half and half. I ate all the quiche (not the crust), the chicken salad, and a large portion of the spinach salad before I felt sated and full. I read for a little more, had more coffee, paid the bill, and was preparing to leave when, without forethought, picked up the leftover half of cornbread and started shoving it into my mouth.

Great, I thought...there goes every single one of my carbs for today and maybe tomorrow. Sigh.  I had been trying to take off five pounds I'd put on the last two weeks after my FIL's death and then the following week during my marathon, every day, doctors' appointments week last week. I had already gone down two pounds. I figured this would stall me or put me back up.

Later, I had a bowl of my cottage cheese Jello with whipped cream. A piece of peppermint taffy my husband brought home from school. Coffee with HWC. I wanted food, but I was full. Then the spaghetti my husband said he didn't want turned into "where is the spaghetti" at about 9:30 pm. &^%$  So I cooked it for him. Then I had my leftover Italian sausage appetizer that I had brought home after a dinner date with my dad on Saturday. (Great restaurant, OMG, everything was fantastic including service). I put a little tomato sauce with veggie crumbles over it, a slice of provolone, some grated parmesan, nuked it. Fabulous. I couldn't eat all the cheese.

Side note: I hadn't seen my dad since July, had gone down about 80-90 pounds, and he literally did not recognize me. I found that wholly amusing.

Got in bed and I tried reading to fall asleep, but was still hungry.

About 1 am I got up and had a bowl of Dreyer's S'Mores ice cream with whipped cream. Then I had a second bowl. I finally fell asleep and woke up feeling like crap.

The fallout? I'm down two pounds.

I know, it doesn't make sense to me, either.

I also made those almond cookies with lemon zest and some dried blueberries for my breakfast this week. I overcooked them so they're dry, but they taste good and satisfy my donut cravings as we move into carb week. Ahem.

I need to do some laundry before I go to the dentist at 1 o'clock, but it doesn't look like I'm going to make it. I just cannot get my shit together. I need a shower. I need more breakfast. I want to finish my coffee. I feel limp and energy-less.

Tomorrow I get mammogrammed and a pelvic ultrasound on my journey toward resolution of PMS dysphoria. That's what the doctor said I probably have. There is treatment for it, but we have to go through all the motions first. I turned in blood work to check my hormones last week. I see her on the 4th. Hopefully I won't hit, bite, break, or kill anyone or anything between now and then. *fingerscrossed*

PS:  If I've repeated myself here anywhere, I'm sorry. My memory is crap and my brain is only in first gear lately.

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