Finally

After some serious and diligent work on maintaining protein, fat, and low carbs, I lost a pound since last Wednesday. Hallelujah.

I've also added more exercise to my routine. My formerly broken ankle with the two plates and ten pins can make it difficult as it did tonight. It was, and is, really hurting, but I managed to slog out a good mile before I gave up the ghost (my husband went for the car and came and picked me up.). It's hard to describe what it feels like, but a handcuff too tight around the ankle or, as was the case tonight, around my foot itself, right across the top of the foot. Ow, dammit.

Also? My back was screaming at me in agony.

I was hoping that walking could reduce these issues by making them more flexible, but it's just not happening. That doesn't mean I give up. My body craves exercise, now. I sat for a large part of the day (brunch out with my mom and hubs), and my butt was hurting. My butt really goes to sleep quickly now since there's so much of it missing. Ha!

So I've been extremely diligent about what I've eaten over the last four days, but I still want stuff. It's the comfort and entertainment that I've used most of my life. All of my adult life for sure. I want cherry pie a la mode, but, if true to form when I've given in to a craving, it won't taste as good as I expect it will.

I also know just how much marketing is aimed us to buy, buy, buy stuff we don't normally, don't want, and don't need. It's not an accident that the grocery store puts the baked goods--cake, donuts, pie, cookies, OMG--right by the entrance. It's hard not to be triggered. I trigger on food cravings visually extremely quickly. Getting them to go away takes much, much longer.

So I am resisting for all the right reasons, but it makes me sad. It makes me sad even knowing that I was sick, too heavy for my joints and bones, lethargic, miserable, and slowly dying. I know all that, and that's why I am trying so hard to stay on the right path, but it is a type of grieving over losing my playmate, my security blanket. my entertainment. I'm not going to break out of these patterns by giving in every time something becomes overwhelming. I need to focus and keep my body healthy, that's why I did this whole damn surgery in the first place. I was comfortable with my looks, but I knew I was dying one bite at a time. That's why I did this. I'd love to get another forty years out of this body. We'll see how she goes.

So it's 11:45 pm on Sunday before Labor Day, and I've entered everything into MyFitnessPal, which, now that I have the hang of it I lurve...and the exercise, and I still need 32 grams of protein. I'm at 38 g of carb leaving 12 if I want to hit 50g. We'll see. I just had four fresh strawberries, sliced by me, some Stevia, some half and half, and some whipped topping, the kind out of the tub (generic not brand name), and I'm kind of full. I added the strawberries in yesterday to quench an ice cream craving. It worked very well.

Unfortunately, along with the strawberries we purchased yesterday, I purchased a pint of heavy whipping cream (HWC), and while I was out today my MIL drank the whole fucking thing. This is on top of the four cans of whipped cream I purchased last week and had only two iced coffees topped with whipped cream this whole week--someone who is not me has a serious dairy addiction. Ahem. I told my hubs, "I can't believe she's not had a heart attack with the amount of dairy she consumes." I mean, hell, I'm a DS patient, we need a certain amount of fat every day, and I couldn't eat/drink a whole pint of HWC myself in one day!! WTF?

This after I got my BIL to quit eating my food. My MIL always says she'll replace it, but never does, and at the risk of sounding ungrateful...yes, we're staying with them free while my hubs looks for a job; they don't buy food for us we buy our own; but if they do eat some of my food? I nearly always can't afford to replace it, and that's a problem to me. I have a very specific diet and I'm having enough trouble keeping my focus on the goal and off the pastries and I can't afford to have my treats eaten by others who promise but don't replace the eaten items.

If we're still here in ten days, we're buying a mini fridge for our bedroom. I can't take much more of this. Yes, I'm grateful, it could be worse, blahdy blah...but this is not the best place for us to be. My hubs is trying, he's had 17 interviews in two months. Something's got to give, right? Right?

Fortunately, fall is on its way, my favorite season even though it still doesn't get cold enough here in SoCal for me to wear sweaters, anything is better than the high temps of summer. I'm not a fan of the heat.

I think I'll give it an hour or so and then see if I can fit in a yogurt or some ham and cheese roll ups to meet my protein goals. We'll see.

Also? On the poop patrol? Yesterday I went twice, today nothing. You just never know with this thing. I ate a lot of protein yesterday, it just didn't matter. It is what it is. :-)  So hopefully I'll go in the am, as is usual, and I'll have dropped another pound. We'll see.

Cheers.