LilySlim - Weight loss

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Two Lightbulbs

I had a sudden awareness, an epiphany a few weeks ago about what I need to eat and supplement after this DS surgery:  In order to lose weight, I need to continue to eat appropriately every day. When I have too many carbs? Not only do I not lose, I gain. It's true. And frustrating. And motivating.

Honestly, although I am enjoying the weight loss and being smaller sizes (a normie), that was not my primary motivation for DS/WLS. My primary motivation occurred near the end of April/early May when I took my blood glucose numbers after a meal. It was 88. I'm done I thought after weeks of 140, 135, 125, 99, 100, and the like. Surgery day fasting and unmedicated it was 265. I decided I didn't need to test anymore. Diabetes had hit the road. Buh bye mutherfucker! And that was my primary concern.

And as my weight continued to drop as I recovered from surgery, I was like, "Oh yeah, there's this other side effect! And cool!"

So  it finally sunk it...if you want it to continue, you need to eat like a DS post-op. That means lots of protein, low carbs--simple and complex--fat, and no sugar or as low as I could get it (some SF cinnamon hard candies I bought for an occasional treat have 1 sugar / 1 carb. Worth it.).  So I have been hyperfocused on making sure to eat cleanly so those pounds would drop.

Until recently.

On Monday, I had a very bad day. No, that's not right. I had a very mellow day which rapidly went to shit and I decided to remove myself from the source of the upset. *ahem* This entailed me having some baby back ribs at a local diner I enjoy, then a movie, A MOST WANTED MAN. At the last minute my husband joined up with me to go and see it. I loved it. Quite an interesting, thoughtful film, and Philip Seymour Hoffman was fabulous. What a loss to us all.

Regardless. My husband stopped to eat, I told him I didn't want to miss the previews having already eaten, so I went in without him. When he showed up, he had a giant bucket of popcorn. I asked for a handful. Holy mother of G*d, it was kettle corn, my favorite.

And as embarrassed as I am to admit this, hopefully by outing myself it will help me remain accountable to myself and to any concerned readers who visit here. I kept going. Handful after handful after handful. When I put my hand in the bucket only to discover it was empty...? I realized I had fallen into an old, obese-person behavior:  Mindless eating. I was focused on the film, and as long as the popcorn kept coming, I didn't pay attention.

Fuck.

What was the fallout? For 24 hours, nothing. I had been constipated for two days so we had both oped the popcorn would move things along. It did, mostly in the form of two bouts of diarrhea in one hour, then two more visits to the bathroom later that day, hours apart.

Yesterday and today? Gas, stomach pain, bloating, itty bitty bowel movements that smelled like metallic rotten sewage. I told my husband I thought that's what it smelled like and he said, "Shittalic?" LOL  Yeah, I laughed.

But really, not funny and super foul. OMG. I was at the library today and I had to "go" again. Some girls came in and started giggling and whispering. It was bad, I know it was. But after I got over the embarrassment, I wanted to laugh, too, because it really was just so ridiculous. I can only imagine getting smacked in the face by that heavy odor.

And then yesterday I had a bagel with butter and cream cheese. Not bad, in itself, but definitely too many carbs. I'm paying for it now with gut issues, and I've sparked a sweet tooth. UGH!

So I have to get back on that horse ASAP (tomorrow. I'm done eating for today, and which was better.), and rein in these bad behaviors. I can't afford to have things go awry because, as happened in light bulb moment No. 2 after I saw my surgeon for a followup today....

I need to eat DS appropriate to STAY ALIVE.

Duh, Jules. Do you get it now?

I am eating these foods to sustain my body, to feed, nourish, and fuel it. I can enjoy my food or swallow it down because it's necessary, but I need to eat the DS way, or there will be complications down the road including death. I had this surgery to help limit my complications and/or early death from diabetes, dammit, and I need to do the right thing.

Exhale.

My surgeon says I'm right where he wanted me to be as far as weight loss, asked about my blood sugars and I told him "blah blah last tested in May, 88..." and he smiled. Then I told him about the re-opened belly wound, and he cauterized it with some shiny shit on a q-tip. I think it was silver nitrate. It wasn't to bad, but now my wound is bleeding and oozing crap that looks like a snail or a pile of snot. Eww. Uck. Gross.

Eat right, Jules; your body needs you to take care of it.

I think it's all right and only human to periodically, occasionally, once in a while, enjoy something yummy and perhaps off menu...but it needs to be something I can walk away from when I'm done, and popcorn, evidently, I can't do that. Plus the after-effects while not debilitating have certainly not been pleasant. So no popcorn. For a while. Nowhere on my dance card for the near future.

Just give me my damn skinny SF mocha with half and half and whipped cream on top once a day and nobody gets hurt.

Here's a pic of me taken yesterday at the Seal Beach pier. The hubs and I have talken to walking that fair city's streets and pier fairly regularly, something I had difficulty--and didn't enjoy doing--prior to surgery / WL.

I'm wearing a fabulous Genie bra which, although extremely comfortable, does not give as great a support as I was hoping for. *ahem* Time to throw it in the wash and tighten it up again.

Cheers.


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