LilySlim - Weight loss

Monday, January 19, 2015

Slight Navigational Adjustment



OK, more than slight. But I need to make some changes. But let me start at the beginning:

Here are a list of my goals in having the DS WLS:

1.       Put diabetes into remission (hopefully for a long, long time) – GOAL MET

2.       Be more active – GOAL MET

Uh, yeah. Everything apart from that is just gravy, so to speak. 

I’ve been obsessing with getting below 200 for the last month or so (and failing. My fault, I own it, but I didn’t realize how badly carbs would be available and affect me over the holidays and beyond. I’ve discussed that here already). I’ve read blog, articles, books, and I’m just….over it.
I don’t want to obsess any more.  I need to step away from the OCD and just give it a rest for a while. I need to let it go and just…be.

I put my scale in the car. After we moved into our new place last month, it’s been in the bathroom and I’ve been getting on it every morning. No more. Once a week. And then I have to get dressed, get my keys, and go get it. I can weigh in the driveway, it’s flat enough for it to work (electronic scale).
No more obsessing with LCHF recipes, or IF (maybe later, not now, and that’s “Intermittent Fasting”. You can Google.), no more obsessing with what I eat every single second of every day. Oy! I’m not saying I’m going to quit eating DS appropriate—protein, fat, hydration, carbs under 50—no, that won’t change, but I am not going to obsess over it.

I’m a human being, I’m imperfect, as I reminded my husband tonight. I make mistakes. But as an intelligent, thinking being, I also have the ability to analyze, question, and move on from my mistakes, even when or if I make the same ones over and over.

I’m going to continue my HWC with my coffee when I get up; then eggs with cheese and some kind of meat, I like polish sausage with eggs. Then tuna salad, probably, or lunchmeat with cheese, nuts or cheese crisps with Greek yogurt chipotle dip (I just bought it yesterday and haven’t tried it yet. It may suck), and lots of iced tea, homemade. Dinner will be the protein part of whatever I make for the spousal unit and I, usually chicken or fish because that's all he'll eat.

And for the record, I hate plain water. I always have. I do like Arrowhead bottled water, and our water in Reno was pretty good, but for the most part, I do not like water. So I have iced tea. A lot of iced tea (brewed with bags). Since it was cold, I’ve been having a lot of hot tea also, and I’ve got about 20 flavors in the cupboard. They keep well.

So. What I’m saying is…I’m going to quit letting this become part of my thinking every minute of every day. It’s not sane or healthy. And I’ll be honest: If I don’t lose another pound I’m perfectly fine where I am. I really am. I wear an L-XL on top, depending on cut and brand; and an XL or XXL on the bottom also depending. I’m totally fine with that. This journey, for me, was never about appearances, it was about health. And I’ve achieved that and am now focusing on upping my activity level. I’d like to add weight-lifting to my routine because I feel weak, but that requires access to a gym and funds just aren’t there….right now. But they will be. So I walk. 

For me, losing weight has been a very pleasing side effect of getting healthy. Granted, I’m not fond of the wrinkles, dark circles under my eyes, and the uber-thin hair, but I’m learning to live with it. Honestly, I probably look better than I think I do. I just need to accept it. Working on that (therapy tomorrow! Yay!).

So I’m just going to exhale, be in the moment, and just go about my ordinary, normal life. Limit my time on message boards (which while helpful, can be an overabundance of opinions and information, and I am obsessing), and try to just be a regular, normal-sized person for a while without overthinking it.

And get over the 50 gazillion Danish butter cookies in the tin I scarfed this afternoon. I was going to have two, it turned into 22. Now I have gas, bloating, and diarrhea. Repeat. UGH.

I’ve got to find my new normal….for ME. 

Exhale.

Breathe.

I got this.

One day, one hour, one minute, one moment at a time.

And this photo for motivation. Me + 150 lbs at Crater Lake in OR, July 2009 (150 lbs! A whole person!).

XO


2 comments:

  1. Intermittent Fasting ... I see this on the DS boards/forums as well, and it strikes me as a riff of pre-DS unhealthy/magical thinking diet mentality that didn't work. I decided not to go there myself.

    You're doing FINE. Great, even. Don't let all the extraneous discourse get you down. Just focus on the basics, deal with your life, and you'll be FINE.

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  2. Thank you. Trying. Really, really trying.

    xo

    ReplyDelete