Some Notes on Food Addiction

I was in a health food store tonight picking up some more calcium tablets--I've nearly finished the first bottle I purchased and I like them quite a bit--so I bought 120 tablets, or 60 days worth, for cheaper than two bottles of 60. So win/win.

While checking out--and we are pretty sure both the cashier and the customer in front of us were stoned out of their minds, we finally switched to another line LOL--I noticed they had organic, high cacao percentage, assorted chocolate bars right by the register. And since we were standing there doing nothing *ahem* I started daydreaming about getting one. They had chocolate cherry almond, chocolate carmel with sea salt, chocolate with chilies (my favorite), dark chocolate, etc., and as I'm standing there I'm thinking about:

1. How full I am. I just ate a chicken breast and part of a wing with lemon butter sumac sauce.
2. One chocolate bar would lead to many chocolate bars and then baked goods, slippery slope, etc.

So I didn't need any chocolate, and I couldn't fit any chocolate into my already full stomach. But I fucking wanted it, yes I did.

So I stopped and reminded myself how easily my eating had gotten out of control on Christmas Day, and how sick I had been for a few days after, and how I hated how I felt both physically, emotionally, and mentally, and how it just wasn't worth it, and if I really wanted chocolate I could have a KIND bar later (mostly nuts and very yummy).

I have to decide--dozens of times a day--what goes in and what stays out.

It's hard. No lie. I mean, clearly, duh. But I have to have these conversations with myself about food. I need to be present, be in the moment. Mindless eating and "just one" mentality is a quick and easy way to revert to binge eating, which can lead to weight gain, which can lead to obesity, which can lead to diabetes, which can lead to early death.

It's just better, and simpler, not to take that first step. I've had to learn this lesson repeatedly. Evidently I'm pretty thick-skulled. But I'm getting there. I'm sure I'll learn this lesson again some more in the future. But today? Today I made good choices, healthy choices. I'm proud of myself. I hope to repeat again tomorrow. No reason I can't.

Food addiction sucks.