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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Long Weekend

Yesterday was President's Day and as a teacher my husband had the day off. So we used that time to go see his parents in Orange County, CA. His dad has rapidly progressing ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease), and my husband wants to spend as much time with him as he can, and try to help him out. Eventually he won't be able to speak as the muscles in the throat and mouth fail. He has difficulty now--he sounds like he's drunk. It's so sad.

I spent Saturday with my mom--Thai food and then hung out at The Coffee Bean where I had a piece of lemon coconut cake. I've put on 3 lbs in the last two weeks.

I'm eating things I normally don't eat, because I feel like it will be my last opportunity for a long time. Also, I'd like to have some champagne soon because alcohol will be a no-no for two years post surgery along with soda or anything with bubbles--no partaking for two years.

It almost feels in a way like a going away on a long voyage--like to Mars or the Van Allen Belt--or I'm dying so I need to "live it up!" LOL  What other adage can I think of? "Make hay while the sun shines!" "Life is a banquet and some sons-of-bitches are starving to death..."

It's part of the pathology, isn't it? Food addiction. It's not like one can just quit eating--well, you can, but it's not sustainable over a lifetime--not like with other addictions like alcohol or drugs. One still must eat. In a way, this surgery is like not eating. Protein shakes will be heavily used as meal replacements, most particularly post-surgery and in the first six months to a year, and on into the future they will still make up a portion of my daily nutrition intake. I accept this. Without this surgery, as a diabetic, my risk of heart attack or stroke is triple the average person. My grandmother had her first (of three) heart attacks at 50.

Not only do I not want to endure the pain and suffering of a heart attack or stroke, but I want to live. My husband very much doesn't want to be a widower. We've been together ten years and our marriage is everything we both want it to be--it's the real deal. I want to spend more time with him. I want to travel, go for hikes in the wilderness, and hold down an honest-to-goodness real job. One that pays me every two weeks, has benefits, and will sometimes make me come home ready to pull my hair out. But I want to live. To truly, truly, fully live. And right now it's hard for me to do that.

But I can eat cake. OMG, I can eat cake. For now. The cake party is almost over. And THANK G*D!

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