Exhausted

My kitty woke me up at dawn this morning, as usual, to be let out. I let her out and came back to bed. R used to do this because he's a very light sleeper. Paige has figured out that if she meows right in my ear I'll wake up. LOL Smart kitty.

So I went back to bed and just laid there, awake, and tired. I thought about getting up and starting some GRE review, but I was just too damn tired to get up. I started wondering if I should take myself to the ER. I can't seem to get any medical help through normal channels.

I finally fell back asleep and then woke up about 9 o'clock and just laid there, quietly, and thought about stuff.

I put today aside to review the GRE so I'll be ready to do a good job on Monday. But I'm SO tired. Just thinking about going for another cup of coffee or cleaning the litter boxes makes me cringe a little because it involves getting up and walking.

I'm that tired.

But I don't want anything interfering with my grad application like missing the GRE on Monday. I think after that I'll take myself over to either the ER or urgent care. I need refills, a hematologist/iron infusion, and something is going on with my kidneys.

I hope I make it through. I'm considering a nap right now and I've only been up for two hours. UGH. This is ridiculous.

I hate Medi-Cal. I really hate it. I didn't apply for it; it was forced on me by Covered California (Obamacare). I thought our income was too high to qualify, and even R. said he thought we were over by about $50-, but that maybe they put us on there because of my cancer diagnosis? Who knows. It sucks, though. The standard of care is much lower. When it comes to my health? I want the best. At least my retinologist/oncologist accepts it. Since that's the thing that has the greatest potential to kill me, that is a priority. There is a 50% metastasis rate regardless of gene marker. I've not mentioned this to my family, particularly my elderly parents, as I don't want them to worry. But it does hover in the background on a daily basis. I keep moving forward as if I won't be affected--how can you live any other way? Hope for the best, expect the worst.

In the meantime, if I don't get an iron infusion, I may just go to sleep and never wake up. That's what it feels like from here right now.
Sigh.