LilySlim - Weight loss

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Eating While Angry

I've been hyper-focused on food for the last few days, you know, after I gained 12 and then 15 pounds after making only one poor choice for a week. It's inexplicable. My pants are tight so they are real pounds. It's not that time of the month, so not water, but it's infuriating me.

So I'm pissed about it, and in reaction, I want to stuff all kinds of inappropriate foods into my mouth. I'm hyper-aware of blueberries right now--muffins, cakes, scones--I want them all. Fortunately we live out in the boonies and I don't have quick access to any of that stuff. I do have all the fixings to do my own baking, including frozen blueberries in the freezer, but I was feeling too lazy last night to make anything.

Do you ever eat angry? Fuck you body, here's some poison, a nice, big, fat blueberry muffin with streusal topping. Oh, and add some unsalted cold butter to the inside. Nom nom nom.

I just ate half of a bacon, spinach, mushroom, four-cheese omelette, two bites of the greasiest hash browns I've ever had, and an English muffin with strawberry jam and butter. It was fantastic.

I'm also helping some carbs will help things move along in my bowels. I've been very backed up all week, even though I have gone every day, I feel extra stuffed if you know what I'm saying. I feel like I need to get everything out of there. I know a donut usually works in about 20 minutes, but there are no donut stores nearby. So the English muffin.

I'm just pissed off at a lot of things right now, and gaining weight, a lot of weight, for no apparent reason, is only one of the things pissing me off.

I sure do want a buttered blueberry muffin, tho. Maybe I'll have one just to get it out of my system, literally and figuratively.

Also, new glasses arrived. They look darling, but my vision isn't much approved. So that pisses me off, too. Sigh. Also want apple pie. A la mode. Fuck.


  1. The scale lies. You don't gain 10, 12, 15 pounds in one week. It's a matter of science. The amount of calories that you would have to consume for that to be real weight is beyond anything remotely feasible. Seriously. I know "these things happen" sounds like bullshit and you're angry and frustrated. I don't blame you and believe me, totally empathize. It has happened to every scale-obsessed SD post op, I 100% promise you.

    Eat the muffin. Eat two of them. You're not going to gain 10 pounds from it. You're not going to gain 2 pounds.

    When things stop working for you, whatever wonky system you may have at the time, then try a new wonky system. If eating certain foods always worked for you but suddenly you feel like shit and think you're gaining weight, then change it up and try something else.

    I'll never forget when I was on a 2 banana a day kick. For 2 months, I ate 2 bananas a day and my weight stayed perfect steady, give or take a pound. Then one day, and I swear to you this was overnight, I gained 5 pounds. Then another 5. Then ANOTHER 5. In about 2 weeks I'd gained 15 pounds. I lost my mind.

    Then I stopped eating bananas and had an apple instead. Lost 15 pounds in a week. It's bullshit. I didn't gain 15 pounds and I didn't lose 15 pounds. Can't explain it. But switching out that one thing made a difference.

    Another time I ate nothing but chicken breasts, brown rice, and Snickers bars for dinner for a long time and lost weight. Then I had a Milky Way and BOOM. Explosion.

    Moral of the story is that switching things around on your body won't hurt anything - don't be afraid to try. Increase protein. Decrease protein. Have a muffin. Try things out.

    1. I'll try this again. For some reason, comments does not appear to be working.

      Thank you. I needed to hear this. And it was a genuine kindness for you to reach out. Really. I'm grateful.